Autumn was leaving and winter was beginning to show. The snow and ice were part of Chernograd’s charm—they made even the graveyard look scenic.
Vadim placed his arm around my waist.
No words were spoken.
No words were required.
I leaned into him.
It wasn’t until we turned into Makari’s row that I realised Vadim knew exactly where he was, even in the snow.
The last time I had been here he had taken Runa from me. It all seemed so long ago now.
We stopped at his grave.
Runa began to fight against Vadim’s hold, reaching for me. He tried to pacify her but I smiled and held my arms out. She looked like a little doll in her red woollen coat and matching hat, cheeks pink from the cold, displaying every tooth she had as she clutched the fur at my neck.
I crouched and balanced her on my knee.
“Look—this is Makari. He would have been your older brother,” I whispered, kissing her rosy cheek.
She didn’t care, and I couldn’t blame her. The world was her playground. She swung down and slapped the snow coating his grave, giggling as her gloved hand sent it flying.
“Come on,printsessa. Give mama a moment,” Vadim said, lifting her up.
She made her unhappy grunting noises.
“She sounds like you when you don’t get your way,” I said, glancing up at him.
“Ma,” she said with a grunt.
I stared at her before looking at Vadim.
“Mamama. Mama.”
My eyes flew back to Runa as I slowly stood. I took her from Vadim and tilted my face briefly toward the grey sky before holding her close.
I don’t know how or why, but it felt like a blessing from Makari.
The blessed.
The name my friend Tau had inadvertently given him.
“Good girl, Runa,” Vadim said, passing a tissue to me.“Say it again. Mama.”
“Nit.”
“Nyet, say mama.”
“Nit.”
I left them to it. He took her from me as they continued their argument while I knelt in the snow and prayed for Makari.
It was difficult to erase the guilt.
For my immature feelings back then.
For moving forward.
