But now it was Runa and me.
Every second of the day. I coordinated everything around her.
I knew there would come a day when I would need to sort out a routine, but right now I was her mama. We worked on her feeding and her latch until she began to find it quicker. It took time and tears on my part, but she took pity on me.
When those eyes opened my world was on fire.
And once she had finished feeding, those eyes would droop like a drunken old man’s. Her tiny bow lips would grow slack as she released my nipple.
I learned to breathe through the trauma of trimming her nails when she worked out how to rip her mittens off.
People said changing nappies was horrible, but for me it was confirmation that her tiny insides were working exactly as they should. I cherished every moment of wiping down her cutest little tushy.
Every discovery.
Every failure.
Every triumph.
It was ours.
Within weeks her eyes would track me wherever I went.
Her smile and those fists flying in the air gave me hope.
My darling girl would never be held down.
And as her mother, I would shoot first and ask questions later.
Chapter 54
Vadim
The winter had seemed longer this year. Colder. The spring was most welcome.
It had been a pleasant surprise to see the blue flowers blossoming at Makari’s grave. I didn’t dwell too much on the mother who planted them.
I needed a break.
What was the point of being the Pakhan if I didn’t enjoy the benefits of it occasionally?
I wondered where she was.
“Why are we keeping the old man alive?” Konstantin asked, stifling a yawn.
I had lost count of how many times he had suggested killing Sergei.
“When are you moving back to your place?” I asked instead.
He had stationed himself in my house as though I were on suicide watch. I had tried beating him, threatening him, and even got mybykito physically remove him. Like a bad smell he always came back.
“When I know you are okay,” he murmured.
This son of a—
“Get the fuck out of my house.”
He stood up from my couch and stretched, arms wide, his T-shirt lifting with the movement. He noticed me looking and pulled the red cotton up deliberately, patting his ribs with the satisfaction of a man presenting evidence.
