Chapter 33
Cody
I love hunting season. I love guiding. I love the adrenaline rush of watching a group of geese drop after an explosion in gunfire. But I’ll be honest, I finally get why Jesse was so irritable when he and Ella got back together.
It’s like withdrawal.
Especially now that Karissa and I are more than just friends raising a baby together.
We’re in love. We’re building something real, serious, lifelong. And I haven’t seen either of them in two days.
It’s killing me.
I told her I’d come by tonight, no matter what time it was, because tomorrow won’t be possible and I need to see them today.
Jesse stops me just as I reach my truck. “Hey, Ella saw Karissa this morning before her shift.”
I’m all ears. “Yeah?”
He nods. “Said she seemed pretty worn.”
I look down, sighing, even though I knew that. I knew she would struggle.
“She started crying,” Jesse adds, and my stomach drops.
“I’m headed there now,” I say, not even able to look at him again. I just want to get there…see her, help her.
“Cody.” He stops me and I look back to him. “It’s hard, man. Nobody’s to blame; not her, not you, no one.”
I tuck what he said in the back of my mind for later, for when I start doubting myself and feeling like she doesn’t deserve me, and climb in the truck.
I knock once before opening the door. She’s wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, her hair up, no makeup on her face. She’s got Emma in her arms, who’s staring back at me, cracking a smile.
“Hey,” I say gently, stepping inside.
She whispers a “hi” back, like if she says it any louder she’ll break. I reach for her, tucking her against me for a hug.
“I’m sorry you’re having a rough time with this,” I say, only wishing I could offer more than just a lousysorry.
She doesn’t say anything, just lets me take Emma and wipes her tears on her sleeves. I lean in and kiss her forehead.
“I’m here now,” I whisper.
Tears slide down her cheeks effortlessly. I shift Emma up onto my shoulder and hug her again.
“I’m so tired,” she says into my chest.
“I know, sweetheart. I wish I could do more. I really do.”
She pulls back. “I can’t keep up with anything. The dishes. The laundry. Emma doesn’t sleep by herself, I can’t eat in peace, I can’t shower. She’s just miserable, and so am I.”
Her voice cracks on the last word and she looks away, like she hates to even say it.
“You don’t have to be super mom, baby. Just take it one day at a time. So what if there’s dishes in the sink or laundry piling up? It’ll still be there tomorrow. Emma needs you. Andyouneed you. That’s where your energy goes first.”
“I just wish I was stronger. I wish I could prove I could do it.”
“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.” I run a hand over her back once before I gently nudge her toward thebedroom. “Go shower and go to sleep. I’ll feed her and put her down.”
