“Well, that definitely means something.”
“I know.” I swallow. “I just don’t want to confuse the feeling of needing someone…with love. I did that before.”
Addison doesn’t answer right away, and I appreciate that she’s not pushing. Just listening.
“I did that before too,” she says, looking down and shifting Emma in her arms.
I sit back in my chair. Maureen returns from the hallway and wipes her hands on a dish towel as she slides into the chair across from me. “You’re doing a good job.” She smiles.
My throat gets tight for no reason. Compliments hit different these days, I guess. Especially the kind that contradict how I feel.
“I don’t think I am.”
Maureen and Addison both look at me sideways.
“At church,” I clarify, “people kept leaning in, saying how cute she was. They were too close to her. I smiled and said thank you, of course, but inside I was freaking out.”
“Why?” Maureen asks, but it’s not judgy, just curious.
“She’s three weeks old,” I say, voice a little sharper than I mean for it to be. “She’s tiny. Her immune system’s nothing. Allit takes is one person with a cold or some virus and—” I stop, trying not to go there.
Addison nods, and Maureen has understanding in her eyes, so I feel confident enough to keep going.
“I told Cody after, and he just…didn’t get it. Said they were just church people. As if church people don’t have germs.”
“He’s a guy, not a mom. Theydon’tget it,” Maureen says like that’s supposed to make me feel better. It doesn’t. I wanted her to say she’ll talk to him and make him understand. But I know that’s not going to be the case.
“Well, he made me feel dumb,” I admit. “Like I was being overly dramatic.”
“You weren’t.” Maureen shakes her head. “You were being a mom. And there’s nothing overdramatic about that.”
“Well, I just wish he’d get it.”
“I know. In a perfect world, men would, but they don’t and they won’t.” She shrugs.
We all just laugh, and before anyone can say anything else, I hear the distant sound of a diesel truck and tires crunching the gravel outside. They’re back. Cody’s back.
My heart does that stupid little flutter thing that it’s been doing a lot lately. Maureen gets up, leaving Addison sitting beside me, Emma still out like a light in her arms.
“As his little sister,” she whispers, “I feel obligated to remind you that he’s very protective. Just…in his own way. One second we’re yelling like we hate each other, and the next, he’s got his arms around me because I’m crying about it and he can’t stand it.”
That makes me smile, even though I try not to.
“He doesn’t always know how to say the right thing,” Addison adds. “But he usuallydoesthe right thing…eventually.” She laughs.
I nod, the comfort of her words settling in my chest as I hear his voice fill the house. It’s low, familiar, and moving closer.
* * *
Cody and I get back to the lodge around four. The conversation on the way down was light and a little guarded. I asked how fishing was, he said it was good. Then he asked about my time with the girls, and that was it.
I feel like I’ve been holding my breath all day and I hate it.
When Cody shuts the truck off, he exhales before glancing over.
“You still mad at me?” he asks, and I freeze.
“I’m not mad, I’m just…”
