When they start to ease me down, I gasp again. The other nurse talks me through it like we’re landing a plane. But the second I’m off my feet, when I see the bed being literally almost an arm’s reach away when I feel like I just moved miles, I just…break.
It’s the kind of crying that doesn’t come out pretty. It’s shaky and raw, and I can’t stop it. Nobody says anything, I just feel hands rubbing my back and shoulders. Then I hear Emma crying.Great.
The other nurse picks her up and Emma quiets.
The nurse helping me crouches beside me. “You’re doing so good.” Her hand is on my arm; it’s comforting. “That was a huge first step. Literally.”
I shake my head, still in denial. This can’t be real life right now. “It didn’t feel good. It felt like I was getting ripped open all over again.”
“I know,” she says gently. “But your body will heal.”
I wipe my face. I know I probably look like a wreck, but I don’t even care.
Cody’s still standing nearby, quiet as ever. He looks like he wants to help but doesn’t know how. That might be the worst part, because I don’t even know how to help myself, let alone tell him how he can help me.
Emma starts to fuss again, soft at first, then stronger.
I turn my head toward her, heart thumping, wondering what she needs, but I don’t move. Not because I don’t want to…Ican’t.The fear of the pain soaring through me again is enough to have me frozen.
“I can’t even get up to get her,” I whisper, my voice cracking. “How do people do this?”
The nurse squeezes my arm. “One thing at a time. You just had major surgery. You have to let yourself heal and let people help.”
Cody crouches beside the chair. He doesn’t say anything, just lets me fall apart for a few seconds.
The nurse starts to say something, something comforting probably, but Cody turns to her with that tone that doesn’t warrant her to continue.
“Can you give us a minute?”
It’s not rude, it’s just…final. Like he’s not asking.
She nods. “Of course. Just press the call button if you need anything.”
Both nurses slip out. Emma is quiet now, back in her bassinet, and the second the door clicks shut, I fall apart more, my stomach stinging with every tear. Cody squats down in front of me.
“Alright. Breathe. You’re being way too hard on yourself.”
I try to do what he says but it’s hard to catch my breath through the tears.
I bite my lip, still shaking. “I can’t be alone when I go home.” My voice cracks again. “There’s no way I can do this by myself.”
He rests one hand on my leg, eyes steady on mine. “I’ve come this far with you, sweetheart, you think I’m leaving now?”
I blink at him, not quite sure I heard him right.
He continues, “I’ll stay with you at the lodge until you’re back on your feet. I’m not leaving you alone.” He shakes his head.
I stare at him, tears still falling. “What if I take weeks to recover? What if I can’t—”
“I don’t care,” he says flatly.
And I believe him, because when Cody says something like that, he means it.
Chapter 16
Cody
I drive slower than I ever have.
