The door opens again and Cody steps back in. He lingers near the door for a second before closing it gently behind him. His eyes move to Emma, then to me.
He shifts, like he’s not sure what to do with his hands. “I didn’t know if you wanted me to leave for that or not,” he mutters, almost like he regrets doing it now.
I can’t help but laugh. “I figured you would. But…you didn’t need to.”
He nods once, slowly, then clears his throat. “Sorry.” He comes into the room and stops at the bedside. “How’d it go?”
I can tell he’s not trying to be nosey, he just cares.
“Good,” I say, adjusting the blanket over us. “Kinda hurt.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
A soft knock interrupts us—again—and another nurse steps in holding a clipboard, her tone gentle and practiced. “Alright, Mama. Ready to try standing?”
I nod, because what else am I supposed to do? Say no? Refuse to move forever? Just shifting myself around in this bed hurts, so to say I’m not terrified of putting my feet back on the ground would be a lie.
Cody gently takes Emma from me. Another nurse comes in and lowers the bed. Everyone gracefully moves around the room like this is just another day. Like I’m not about to stand on a body that feels like it’s been torn open and sewn back together.
Cody’s just watching, staying out of the way. He stands beside the bassinet like Emma’s guard. Like this is something he’s definitely not leaving the room for. And I don’t want him to.
“Alright,” the nurse says, glancing toward him with a small smile. “You get her other side?”
Cody’s expression shifts, just slightly, like he wasn’t expecting to be included. But he doesn’t hesitate.
“Course,” he says, stepping forward.
Getting to the edge of the bed so my feet hang off took longer than it should. My stomach feels like it’s ripping with every move.
Cody moves when she does, the two of them sliding their hands under my arms. I stare down at my feet touching the cold tile floor that feels a mile away.
This nurse, no offense to her, is tiny, sweet, but no more than a hundred and twenty pounds. I was nearly double that pregnant, so I’m not fully convinced she could catch me.
Cody, though? He could bench press me with one arm.
“Slow and steady. We’ll just go to the chair,” the nurse says.
I nod again, looking to said chair. It seems way too far away.
She counts softly. “One…two…three.”
I try to stand on my feet. They pull me slowly but it’s like my stomach catches fire. It takes my breath away to the point that I let out a gasp.
“Oh my God,” I cry. “I can’t.”
“Yes you can,” the nurse says gently but firmly. I feel both of their grips tighten.
The pain rips through me like someone’s dragging glass across my stomach. My vision goes spotty just thinking about that image.
“Let her sit,” Cody snaps, like a command rather than a suggestion, and they set me back on the edge of the bed carefully. But the pain zings through me again with that too. At this rate, maybe standing felt better.
I’m crying harder than I want to be. Everything hurts. I don’t know what I was expecting…maybe that it would just be sore. No, it quite literally feels like my stomach is ripping back open again.
“Alright,” the nurse says gently, still beside me. “That’s okay. That was a start.”
“I can’t even stand,” I mutter, frustrated.
“You did stand,” Cody cuts in.
