“She just needs time to get over it,” I cut in, but not unkindly. “You guys are gonna fight, Wes. You’re both gonna mess up. That’s just life. The trick’s learning how to work through it. Especially when you get married…it doesn’t magically get easier. It’s hard, but if you love each other—and I know you do—it’ll be alright.”
He nods, letting the words sink in. “Yeah…you’re right. I just have to give her time.”
“Right.”
“Thanks,” he says with a small nod.
“Yup.” I push off the porch post, glancing at him. “Now go sit your ass beside her and let the grudge go.”
He laughs, shaking his head, and follows me back inside without disagreement.
Chapter 43
Karissa
It’s April now, which means it’s still snow goose season, which also means Cody’s still gone more than he’s home. Early mornings, late nights, scouting, and airport trips. I know it’s his job. It’s the life he lives and the life I chose to be a part of. But that doesn’t mean I love every second of it.
Emma’s going to be one next month, but she’s going through some kind of sleep regression or something. That’s what Ella told me, at least. When I finally looked it up, rocking her in the dark with my eyes barely open, I was surprised to see these miserable nights of fighting her to sleep actually have a name. That it’s apparently a thing. A phase. Normal. But it doesn’t feel normal when I’m sitting outside the nursery door, crying, while she screams from the other side after I leave.
It takes her two hours to fall asleep most nights, and when she finally does, she’s back up again an hour or two later. I can’t remember the last time I slept longer than three hours in a row.
The postpartum depression I thought I was shaking has seemed to sneak back in. Or maybe it never really left.
These long days with Cody gone have me feeling like I’m failing most days. Like I’m letting everyone down. Sometimes I cry for no reason and sometimes I cry for a million reasons.
I haven’t told Cody how bad it’s gotten. I don’t want to dump all this on him when he’s already stretched so thin. But I know he sees some of it. Especially when I’m short-tempered and easily frustrated.
I know this won’t last forever. I know this season will pass. But right now, I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Cody walks in the door at seven forty-five. I’m on the couch, staring at the baby monitor like it’s a bomb about to go off. Emma’s finally laying down, but if she sits up or stands, it’s over. The rocking cycle starts again, and I don’t have it in me tonight.
“Hey,” Cody says, leaning down to kiss my cheek. He smells like nature, dirt, water, dogs, and mud. The usual. “You okay?” he asks, still standing beside the couch, watching me.
I brush the wispy hair out of my face and sigh. “Yeah.”
“Don’t lie.”
“I’m not,” I snap, sharper than I mean to. I keep my eyes on his so he believes me.
He takes a half step back. “Karissa, your shirt’s inside out…and you’ve got something in your hair. Is that…?”
He reaches toward it, but I swat him away and feel for it myself.
“Food, probably,” I mutter, pulling out a crusty, unidentifiable couple crumbs.
“Why don’t you shower first. I got the monitor.”
“Okay.” I stand, and just as I reach the bathroom door, I hear the whine that eventually will build into a loud cry.
My entire body slumps. I have absolutely nothing in me to keep going. To sit in there another hour and rock her. I can’t.
Just as tears well in my eyes, I hear Cody behind me. His hands rub my shoulders. “I said I’ve got her,” he whispers and leaves a kiss on the back of my head.
When I get out of the shower, he’s in our room, undressing. He looks at me as he rolls his belt around his hand.
“How was your shower?”
“Good. I’m very tired. I just wanna go to bed now.”
