I shake my head. “No.”
“Then what is it? Why are you pulling away? What did I do?”
“You didn’t do anything, babe, I promise. I just—” I stop myself. Remembering the promise I made to my dad. I rub my hand over my face and look back at her. “Addie, I just have a lot on my plate right now with the farm and my family.”
Her jaw tightened as she swallows. “I know that, Wesley, butthe way you treated me the other night was uncalled for.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you that way.” My voice is low and rough with guilt. I raised my voice at her the other night and it haunts me in my sleep.
“I don’t want to say ‘it’s okay,’” she murmurs, eyes falling to the ground, arms crossed.
“I don’t want you to be okay with it. I want you to give me hell if I ever treat you like that again.”
Her eyes lift back to mine and she suppresses a smile.
Relief hits me, but I don’t let myself feel it. I owe her more than that. She deserves the truth.
I take a few more steps over. “There’s something I need to tell you,” I say quietly. “But you can’t tell anyone. Not a soul, Addison. I mean it.”
Her eyebrows twitch and the her face pales. “Okay…”
I walk back to the woodstove and she follows behind. I’m expecting her to sit in her usual spot, but she sits beside me instead. The memory of last week crashes over me. Everything I’ve held in for the past week hitting me like a freight train all at once.
I break. The tears come before I can stop them.
Addison grips my arm, her voice alarmed but soft and gentle. “No, no, no, what’s wrong?”
I wipe my hand down my face, thinking it’ll stop the tears, but it doesn’t. I take a deep breath I want to look at her, but I struggle.
Addison’s voice is full of nothing but concern. “Wes, baby, what’s wrong?” I feel her hand swipe up my back and into my hair. She doesn’t wait for an answer. She wraps her arms around me and doesn’t let go.
I swallow. “My dad…had a heart attack. While you were gone.”
Her breath catches and she pushes back. “Oh my gosh, why didn’t you tell me?!”
“He doesn’t want anyone to know. You know how he is.” I bring myself to look at her, her eyes wet now too.
“Wes. You still could’ve told me,” she insists and hugs me again. This time I hug her back. “It’s just been a week of hell for Blake and I, and I’ve never been that scared in my life,” I admit. “Seeing him like that…it shook me.”
We let go of one another and I continue, “And of course he’s pretending like it was no big deal, like nothing happened. But it did. And I’ve been holding it in because someone has to keep going.”
My tears subside but Addison’s build, like my words are breaking her from the inside out.
“Wesley, you are aperson, not a robot. You don’t have to hide how you feel.”
“Well, I’ve gotten pretty good at it.” I stand, taking a few steps away.
I think that’s sorta my thing, hiding emotions, not wanting to show them or even talk about them. It’s kinda just what being a man looked like in my house and it’s all I know. I guess that’s why I react how I do sometimes, like it builds up too much and I just explode. That’s what happened with this entire thing about Dad and my feelings for Addison. I know it’s not okay, and I know it’s something I need to work on.
Addison stands and closes in on me, placing her hands on my chest and gripping onto my sweatshirt. I look at her for a second before her gaze is too powerful, too knowing.
“Wes, I can understand feeling the desire to put your walls up around your parents, or mine, around my brothers, but notwith me.” She grabs my face now and forces me to look at her. “You don’t have to pretend with me.” Her brown eyes are soft and sure.
I nod. “I know that.” I swallow. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. He didn’t want anyone to—”
“You tell me not to tell anyone something, I won’t. YouknowI won’t,” she says.
“I know,” I mutter, and my eyes fall away from hers again. But she turns my face, forcing me not to look away.
