Wesley was never a friend who gave me a hard time or left me out of plans. Once I realized that everyone else wasn’t truly my friend, I started hanging out with him and his friends instead.
Wesley clears his throat. “Well, at least he’s not mad.”
“Yeah. This time,” I mutter and hesitantly look back at him.
His eyes are already on me. “What’s that mean?” His shoulders straighten, and he walks over with purpose, as if he’s going to sit down and solve all my problems right now.
I swallow, not sure how I’ll get out of this one. Those caring brown eyes of his are hard to ignore.
This is the first time in our friendship where one of us has been in a relationship. While I know it shouldn’t feel weird to talk about it with him, for some reason it does. Maybe because he’s a guy? I don’t know. I know he’s looking out for me and wants to make sure I’m happy, but at the same time, I also have three very protective older brothers that I have to answer to as well.
It’s occasions like these that I wish I had a girlfriend to talk to. I always have my mom, but there are some things I don’twant to tell her. Then there’s Ella. She would be levelheaded enough to talk about things with, but with that I risk Jesse finding out. They tell each other everything—as they should, they’re married, after all—but that doesn’t really help me out much.
Taking in a breath, I just say it: “Well, he brought up going away with his friends for a weekend the other night and I said I wasn’t sure about going.”
Wes adjusts himself in the chair across from me. “And he was mad about it?”
“He was just annoyed that I didn’t even seem to want to try and go. To do somethinghewants to do for once.”
Wesley sits back in the chair and lifts his hat from his head, running a hand through his wavy brown hair before flipping it back around the right way. “Well, I mean, it’s not all about him. It would be different if you were married to him, ya know?” he points out.
I nod. “I know.”
He stifles a small laugh. “Tell him you’ll go away together for your honeymoon.”
I groan. “Yeah, right.”
I want to get married one day, so much. I want to have kids…that’s all I’ve ever wanted. But the idea of it actually happening isn’t registering. I can’t picture it. Not when I can barely manage to go to Brantley’s house for dinner without throwing up beforehand.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Addie. Maybe you don’t like him that much.” Wes shrugs, the way he says it is dry, but still not at all what I wanted to hear. That’s something Cody would say, not him.
“Just because I’m struggling doesn’t mean I don’t care abouthim,” I snap. Wesley’s eyes flicker and he raises a hand in surrender.
“I’m not trying to piss you off, I’m just being your friend.”
“Well, it comes across a little unsupportive considering you know I would love nothing more than to be off this anxiety leash.”
“Addison.” He breaths, his voice calm. “I know that. But you’re different than other girls. He shouldn’t make you feel even worse or more isolated than you already do.”
As much as I have this urge to argue and defend Brantley, I know it’s only because Wesley is starting to unwrap a truth that I’m not prepared to face yet. I know he’s right. I know Brantley may not be forever, but I’m trying to see that for myself. With time. Right now it’s blurry. I’m going to have anxiety my entire life, I just have to keep pushing through and maybe things will get better. They’ve gotten a little better in the last year and a half.
“He’s just trying to help me,” I point out.
“Okay. Well then, good.” He nods as if he’s satisfied. I know he isn’t though. It’s in the way he broke eye contact with me before finishing the sentence and walked away all at the same time, changing his focus back to the tractor…the entire conversation over just like that.
As the tools he uses clank together, I stare into empty space. I don’t really like how the room feels between us. It wasn’t even an argument, but the way it ended makes me feel uneasy. I want to have regular nights like we normally do.
Just before I open my mouth, Wesley’s voice fills the quiet. “I need some assistance here,assistant.” He looks over, signaling me with a nod of his head.
The mild tension I felt disappears when I get over to him. Isense his mood has shifted back to normal. I step up on the bucket again, and he hands me my light. I let go of the breath I was holding and happily anticipate the night to continue as it normally would.
Chapter 3
Wesley
I’m not really sure what to make of the brief conversation Addison and I had last night. Granted, it all ended okay, and she was back to her chipper self afterwards, I just don’t know how to go from here. If she brings Brantley up again and how hard of a time he’s giving her for having anxiety, I’m gonna wring his neck. Dude’s known her for about a hot minute. I’ve known her foryears, so for him to expect she’s just going to throw herself into his life and be comfortable doing whatever he asks is ridiculous. You have to work up to that.
Addison didn’t even start going out for pizza with me and the guys until junior year, and it was months after that before she would even order anything to eat. She’d just come and sip water while we all hung out.
