Fiz scoffs. “And you do? Look at the state of you, darling, you’re telling me you still have faith?”
Her eyes dart to him, darkening with a glower. “Yes. I have to. I can’t live on the prospect of there not being any good in this life. Saves my sanity.”
Fiz chuckles. “Sanity? You haven’t got any more of that shit than we have.”
Her jaw drops. “Are you kidding? You’re all fucking unhinged in this house.”
He shakes his head, still chuckling. “As are you, you fit in with us more than you care to admit.”
“I am not.”
“No?” He flashes her a devious grin and leans in over the table. “Don’t think we haven’t heard you roaming the halls talking to yourself.”
El’s cheeks flush red. “Talking to yourself is actually a sign of high intelligence.”
Fiz leans back in his chair. “If that’s true, then we’re all fucking geniuses here.”
Elodie’s cheeks are bright red now. “I am nothing like you.”
Caden rolls his eyes. Fiz continues chuckling.
“Whether you are or not,” I say, stepping in to mitigate before it blows up, “is irrelevant. You’re part of this family now, Elodie. You’ll learn our way of living, you’ll respect the rules. Give it time and a real chance, and you might find you like it here.”
She gives me a glare that’s softer than the one she gave Fiz. “Speaking of your way of living… what’s going on with you guys? Why are you abstaining from sex – that’s what you’re doing, right? Or is this some sort of asceticism, and I should be concerned for my safety because you clearly can’t handle it?”
I look to Caden, waiting for him to take this one. He’s resting his fork on the table, has a finger over his lips while he studies her. He can explain this shit to her, surely, if she’s going to be here for the rest of her life then she should know these things.
Thankfully, he does. “It’s called The Cleanse. We surrender any pleasurable act or substance to revert to the most primal versions of ourselves. It’s for connecting with our purest form. To tap into our basal instincts.”
“Why though, what do you get out of it? To me you all seem like you’re on the verge of suicide.”
I stifle my grin, she’s not wrong, to be honest. It really does test the mental stability.
“Because,” Cade continues, and I’m pleased to note he still sounds patient. “You take time to get to the roots of where we grow from. All this technology, money, artificial bullshit, it’s all fake. We enjoy it because that’s how we’ve evolved, but it’s brainwashing and trivial. When we starve ourselves of everything that brings a quick dopamine hit, it reminds us of who we were and who we’re meant to be. Cavemen had none of the things we do today, and they were probably the happiest version of us.”
She frowns. “This makes no sense. It’s half-hearted. I’ve seen you on your phones, you definitely spend money otherwise how could you eat, Alfie drinks coffee like water, and sex… cavemen probably fucked more than we do now, since there were no video games or Lego to fill the day with.”
Caden shifts in his seat. “For our line of work, it’s impossible not to use technology, so we improvise. We do what we can. As for the food,” he points to her plate, “that venison came from the woods outside, and we have an allotment for our fruit and vegetables. No chemical, lab-grown shit in my house. Alfie can have whatever the fuck he wants. We abstain from sex and other stimulants because it sharpens our focus and mental strength. It tests our discipline and resilience to temptation.”
El’s eyes flicker to mine. I struggle to meet them, finding the food on my plate very interesting.
“Why can you have what you want?”
Everything in me bunches up. I take long enough to reply that Caden answers for me.
“He’s in recovery.”
I suppress the urge to hide under the table.
El clears her throat, and it compels me to look up at her. All she does is give me a smile. Soft, sweet, comforting.
She’s telling me she doesn’t care.
I let out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding. I didn’t realise I cared what she thought of it. Of me.
I smile back at her, helpless to do anything else and wanting nothing more than to bolt out the room.
She turns back to Caden. “So what ends it? What’s the reward, thepoint?”
