I never get another unsolicited visit from Fiz, but there’s always a smack, pinch or squeeze on my ass whenever we pass each other through the house. Accompanied by a roguish wink and a wicked grin. I swear at him each time, try to slap his hand, but I remind myself it could be worse.
I caught him topless yesterday morning. That physique was not what I expected at all. He looks trained for combat. A warrior’s body. Not like the bulk of Alfie, which looks built for strength and power. Nor like Caden, who honestly looks like he needs a good meal. But Fiz – he looks built for anything. Muscles honed so finely they look sculpted from stone. His pecs so square and swollen they look inflated. And not a single tattoo. Not one scar or blemish. He’s annoyingly flawless. It didn’t help he had a cap on backwards as well, his dark curls all bunched around the nape of his neck, which was laced with the same white gold chain. I tried not to ogle, but I was drawn to so much unmarredskin. Muscles aside, I haven’t seen untouched skin like that in a long time. It was mesmerising. I was fortunate enough that he was too busy fussing over Bob to catch my eye, so I made the most of it. God forbid he caught me staring like a drooling teenager. He wouldn’t have let it go.
Caden avoids being in the same room with me, only lingering long enough to scowl and look down his nose at me. On the rare occasion I notice him first, just before he spots me, the split-second before his eyes fall on mine across the room, I get a glimpse of the more natural face he owns. It’s tired. Exhausted, really. Heavy-lidded eyes, almost an expression of dejection there over his sharp, narrow features. As if he’s got a lot going on in that cruel, twisted mind. Carrying a weight around that only he can bear. For a twenty-five-year-old, he seems aged, weathered. The guy needs a day out in the sun and some serotonin. I wonder where he’s been sleeping if this is his room. No, I don’t. I don’t care where he sleeps as long as it’s away from me.
Alfie said I could stay in the bedroom and brought my meals up to me. The darkness hasn’t warned me against him again, so I think it was just a fluke. I think they like him too. They fizzle out when he’s around, only lingering around the corners of the room instead of a thundercloud all over. I think Alfie and I could maybe even be friends.
I’m back to work today. My body’s recovered; the IV’s replenished the nutrients it needs to have basic function. There’s some strength in my muscles again. All I have to do is sit at a desk today anyway.
Alfie shows me the set-up and I go about getting myself sorted. He sits idly in the corner. He obviously knows I’ll handle the money and the locating of the buyers, but if he’s lingering over my shoulder, I’m not going to be able to do everything I usually do.
I log into the system and pull up the job. It’s an order of one heart, one kidney and thirty kilos of meat. I process the order, and the money comes in. My finger twitches on the mouse, feeling the weight of Alfie’s eyes pushing down on my back. I transfer the payment to the respective accounts. Next, I get into hacking the buyer’s devices.
“So,” Alfie says, “are you some sort of Mark Zuckerberg on the computer or what?”
I smile at the screen. “Not at all. I can hack into some things, that’s about it.”
“I feel like you’re majorly downplaying that.”
My smile grows. I glance at him over my shoulder and see he’s not even paying attention to me, eyes focused on the phone in his lap. Turning back to the screen, I quickly move some more money. Heart racing, I say, “Everything I know was taught to me by a friend. I came onto the dark web to find a hit-man for my dad, before Lewis died. Then, when I lost him, my priorities switched to finding his killer. I stumbled upon a guy called Niles by accident. He didn’t want to get involved with anything to do with drug people, but he offered to teach me some basic hacking skills so I could search myself.
“I ended up getting really good at tracking people. I could find anyone. Except for the one person I wanted.” I clear my throat. “Whoever blew up the warehouse left absolutely no trace of themselves on any camera.”
“No one blew it up, though,” Alfie says, pensive, “it was a faulty explosive.”
I shake my head. “I never believed it. I convinced Dad for a while, but after I sent his men on too many dead end quests that turned a bit messy, he banned me from doing it again. Said I was wrong and stupid and there was no one to find.” I wince at the memory.
I may have stopped looking for a ghost, but my ability to track other people allowed me to have a little side hustle to put money away to get me the hell away from him. I remained on the dark web and located people for others for money. I was desperate enough to get away from my father that I didn’t allow myself to think what I was finding these people for. If they died because of me. If they were good or bad people. Then Dad flushed our business down the drain. Began taking everything out on me, the loss of his son, the loss of his money and partnerships. Our fights turned devastating. These past few months since Lewis died, I barely spent time out of the cell. The money I’d curated in the account has sat there ever since.
“So that’s how the idea of the merge came about, then,” Alfie says, musing. “I was told you met with Drago, he was impressed with what you could do, so he came up with the double charge idea.”
A momentary jolt of nausea hits me as the memory flashes before my eyes. I urge my voice to remain neutral as I speak. “Yes, pretty much. I told him I could find people, he said why don’t the Blackwoods bribe each of their customers for another payment. Was a no brainer, really.”
“So, your father, out of everyone, is the only one who does fuck all and still gets paid?”
“Yes. Biggest pisstake on earth. Although he plans to get back into the drug business once the money starts rolling back in. He can run himself back into the ground, I don’t care, I won’t be there for him to drag down with him this time. Until then, he’s basically getting money for me marrying Caden. He basically sold me.” The bitterness drips from my tongue.
“That’s how you choose to look at it, though.”
I keep my eyes glued to the screen, my brow furrowed. “Uh, because it’s true. He gets to live life how he wants in his fancy castle without lifting a finger.”
“That part, yes, but the marriage thing? No one’s selling you, you agreed to this.”
“I agreed to the business. The marriage was not part of the deal I made,” I say, with more aggression than I intended.
“Alright, princess, I get it.”
I sigh. “It just irritates me. Everything about him does. He made me stop looking for Lewis’s killer as if he didn’t care.” I swivel the chair to face Alfie. “How could he not care?”
Alfie looks down at his hands, fingertips touching. “Maybe there was no one to find. It was an accident.”
The statement reignites an agitated fire in my belly. I press my lips into a thin line.
Alfie looks up at me, offers me a kind smile. “Sometimes, holding onto something like that is worse for you. He probably did you a favour by making you stop. You could have driven yourself crazy by now. It’s better for your peace to let it go.”
I won’t tell him, but I already went crazy. Every minute that I could, I spent it working at the computer, trying to find anything to help me find his murderer. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. I obsessed. Part of me still does. Part of me still believes there’s someone out there to be caught. I don’t care if I’m the only one who believes it.
There was a moment, after I discovered I was marrying Caden, where he was staring at me from the foot of the bed, that I contemplated asking him what he thought. He lost his brother to the same fire, after all. I knew of the Blackwoods at the time. I had seen that Max Blackwood died on the same day in a warehouse fire because of a faulty explosive. I wanted to know if the Blackwoods looked into it. But then everything else happened, Caden assaulted me, his treatment of me has only got worse since then. I decided I don’t care about Caden or his brother. It doesn’t matter what they do or don’t know about it, itwon’t have anything to do with Lewis. I’m on my own. I doubt I could talk to Caden about anything like that, anyway.
