This girl has wormed her way into my brain and set up camp where my senses were. All I’ve done is hurt her since she’s got here, she’s pushed me to the edge every single fucking day. But I should have done better. Should havebeenbetter.
When I was staring down the gun at those stupidly shiny blue eyes, filled with resignation and defeat, I was still so close to ending it all. Just exterminate the parasite she’s injected into my organs. Put her out of her own damn misery. But it was the prospect that she really had given up, that I had driven her to that, that stopped me. Why did it get to me so much? Why did I care? She’s been nothing but a nuisance since she moved in.
“Caden, you best start talking. Is she okay?”
“She’s fine, Alf.”
He visibly deflates next to me. “So, what happened?”
“Did you know she was going to leave?” I turn to him for the first time, look into those troubled eyes.
Bewilderment covers his expression. “No, what do you mean – you won the bet?”
“The bet didn’t mean shit.” I shake my head. “She’s been moving money to a separate account from the transactions. Taking money from my cut. By the amount she had, she’s been doing it for a while before she came here. Fuck knows how she got the rest of it.”
Realisation dawns. “That’s what you meant, isn’t it, when you told me I didn’t know what you knew? You knew about the money.”
I nod, wiping a hand down my face. “I noticed it when I watched her work. Fiz was oblivious, clearly you were, too.”
Disappointment smothers him. “So, what, she was just gonna do a runner tonight, you mean?”
I nod slowly, still getting my head round it.
He blows out a long breath. “Fucking hell. After everything we’ve – I’ve – done for her… it still wasn’t enough.”
“It was either leave or death for her. She’s too far gone.” I drop my head into my hands and lean my elbows on my knees.
A firm hand comes onto my shoulder and shakes it. “Hey, no one’s too far gone. We know that better than anyone. You can fix this, Cade.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to fix it?” I throw my hands up from my face. “She hates it here that much, she begged me to shoot her tonight.”
His grip on my shoulder weakens. “Fuck.”
I sigh, drop my hands again and lean over, letting the revelation pummel me as I say it. “I know I wanted to do this for my dad, for the business. But this feeling… this fucked up twisted, sick feeling in my gut right now, that’s not just from the idea of failing. I don’t know what it is, but it’s more than that.”
Alfie scoffs. “You’re such an idiot sometimes, you know that? You know what it is, Cade.”
I shake my head, rub a hand across my forehead.
“You do. I’m going to ask you again. It’s a simple question. Why did you give up your bedroom for her?”
I run my tongue over my bottom teeth, then sigh. “It made me feel better. In a weird way. I knew she was safe there. I don’t know. Everything’s fucking weird when it comes to her.”
“Weird is one way to describe it. I’d say it was pretty simple,” Alf mutters, then repeats, “You know what it is.”
I close my eyes. The thought of killing her curdled my insides tonight. The thought of losing her… “Yeah, I think I do.”
It’s crept up on me, slowly, just like an infesting parasite. It’s turned my senses to mush, stripped me of everything and reduced me to nothing but a primitive beast, only focused on her. Everything, every second, every thought, it’s all been on her.
“So, what you gonna do?”
“I don’t know. The fact she’s been stealing from me should be enough to send her a one-way ticket to the execution block. But… urgh, I don’t know.”
Alf makes a sound that tells me he’s so over my denial. “Fuck the money. It’s not like you need it. Fuck everything. It doesn’t change anything and you know it. So, you’re gonna go to your room, Cade, and you’re gonna apologise to her. A real one. You’re gonna swallow your stupid pride for just long enough to give her that, and that’ll be the first step.”
I exhale a flat laugh at the idea. “That won’t be enough for her, she’ll throw it back in my face.”
“And what? Of course she fucking will. But you’re gonna grit your teeth and bear it, because she deserves a hell of a lot more than that and you’re gonna give it to her, bit by fucking bit.”
