He snorts. “Of course you were. That crippled little skeleton in a wheelchair was really living life to the max. I gave you the opportunity to comply, you threw it in my face with your snotty, too-good-for-me attitude. You had no respect, so you get none back. We’ve had this conversation a thousand times.”
“Oh, please. You didn’t like me before you met me because of my last name. You were begging for me to be a bitch so you could treat me how you really wanted. That fake nice guy act wouldn’t have lasted. You’ll probably lock me downstairs as soon as you put that ring on my finger.”
His smirk has my insides wringing. “I’ll have to lock you somewhere else now. Can’t be that predictable.”
“So, I’m right.”
He rolls his eyes. “No, Elodie, you’re not right. I can’t impregnate you while you’re locked up, can I?”
If my insides were twisting before, now they’re completely contorted.
You need to get away from him, the darkness hisses.
I go for the door handle. Unsurprisingly, it’s locked. Panic sets hard in my chest and I start banging on the window, screaming, “Help, help! Somebody help me!”
Caden grabs me by the back of my neck and yanks me back. “Will you stop with the dramatics? God, you are such a headache.”
I thrash around. “Get off me! Let me go!”
“No, you need to calm down. Or should I just take you into the backseat and fuck you until you pass out?”
This makes me freeze. “If you try, I’ll kick you so hard in the balls they’ll fall off.”
He pulls my neck closer to him, pulling me out of my seat so I’m nearly in his lap. He says, deadly quiet and calm, “Don’t tempt me with a good time, Elodie. The more you fight, the more I enjoy it. You should know that by now. Or shall we recreate the scene in my bedroom on Hunt Night?”
I shake my head, panic still pumping thickly in my veins.
“Good.” He lets my neck go and I scramble towards the window, panting and sweating.
He finally begins to drive out of the car park.
Once I’ve caught my breath, I hiss quietly. “You can torture me and hurt me all you like, but if you keep me alive and stuck with you, I’ll bring you fucking hell. I’ll be the biggest bitch you’ve ever met in your fucking life.”
He leans his head back on the headrest, relaxing back in a way that tells me he’s about to explode. But he doesn’t, he turns his head to the side and glances at me. “Elodie, you’re not a bitch at all.” He speaks in such a calm way I can feel something brewing in the pit of his stomach, a dose of venom building up in his fangs.
“What am I then, Caden, tell me.”
He turns back to the road. “You’re not a bitch. Or a brat or a whore. You’re worse than any of that. You’re just a little broken thing with no personality of her own. You’ve been battered and squashed and ripped apart until nothing of the original Elodie Valor remained. So you decided to become the thing you hated. Shroud yourself in a suit of armour made of the things you hate most in the people around you. Become the thing that hurts you, then the things can’t hurt you anymore, am I right?” He glances over at me again.
He could have slashed a scalpel across my body and it would have the same effect as those words.
He turns back to the road. “The sweet innocent girl façade with Alf isn’t the only one you keep up, Elodie. You’re also keeping this vicious, mean girl façade up with me. But in reality, I don’t thinkyoueven know who the real Elodie Valor is. I think you’re just existing. I don’t think there’s any real life inside you at all. You’re empty. Hollow.”
He turns the radio up to an ear-piercing volume as if there’s nothing more to be said. He wouldn’t be wrong. Any and all words leave my brain, replaced by a crushing revelation that sucks all the oxygen from my lungs.
He’s right. I don’t know who I am anymore. When I lost Lewis, I lost myself too. And all I’ve been doing since is trying to survive. But really, what am I surviving for? What kind of life is this? This isn’t one worth living.
CHAPTER 45
ELODIE
Caden can’t get away from me quick enough when we get back to the house. Not that I care. That boy is a cauldron of poison and audacity. I can’t stand him. I also can’t stand the fact that every time he drops the devil’s spawn act, I lose myself. It’s just from lack of affection, attention, love… basically any human contact that’s not violence. It doesn’t matter who it comes from, apparently, as soon as someone shows me something gentle, I forget everything else. Well, no more. Not after what he said in the car.
I haven’t seen Alfie yet. I had another transaction to do this afternoon, which Caden supervised. Not a single word was exchanged between us, not that I minded at all. I’ve stayed in Caden’s room since then and Alfie hasn’t come to check on me yet. Even though we’ve been getting on well, I do suspect he struggles to come see me in here, where we connected, where we kissed, where I sat on his fricking face. His self-control flickers in this room, and he seems determined to remain loyal to his cousin.
Well, fuck Caden. There’s something between Alfie and I, and it’s not just that delusion that’s come from being deprived ofhuman connection. There’s a spark there, and while I’m stuck in this house until my last jobs are done, I’m determined to dive further into it. I deserve a fucking orgasm from a conscious human being, dammit.
I go down for dinner, wearing my new clothes. I opted for some loose jogging bottoms and a grey long sleeve shirt. Something cosy and hides the outline of my body. The bra feels like a belt around my chest, that’s going to take some getting used to. Not to mention the thong. After wearing men’s boxers for weeks, I’m painfully aware of the strip of fabric nestled between my cheeks. After all this time being frustrated over the clothes situation, going so long in loose, baggy attire, I now feel like a prisoner in garb that actually fits. The notion infuriates me.
