He snorts, but it doesn’t sound amused.
I’ve been wondering what Lewis would say to me to help me get through this hell. Or what he’d plot to get me out of it. If he were around, he definitely wouldn’t have let Dad do this to me. He may have been too scared of him to stop the abuse towards me, but I never blamed him for that. Lewis was always there at the end of the day, nursing my wounds and wiping my tears, sneaking me biscuits. Holding me until the sobs stopped. But I know in my heart Lewis would have stopped this. But then again, if he didn’t die and leave me, I wouldn’t be here. I’d still be in that cell, but I wouldn’t be here. It’s all because of him.
I look down into my lap. “Do you ever think about what life would be like if they were still here?”
He sighs, as if he’d rather talk about anything else, but he answers me. “All the time. For one, I wouldn’t be shackled to you.”
I roll my eyes. “Charming.”
“Well, it’s true. He was the heir. He was meant to marry and extend the line. It only fell to me because he died.”
Same for me. Lewis was older than me, he was heir to the Valor duties too. Although he wouldn’t have produced kids –naturally, anyway. He never officially came out, he never needed to with me. I knew, and it was fine. But to come out to Dad, to tell him he wouldn’t have a grandchild the traditional way… Lewis knew never to broach the subject. At least not until he’d found someone. Now he never will. He’ll never have the love he deserved.
Caden and I have been lumped with a responsibility that was never meant to be ours.
“Do you ever get mad about it?” I say quietly. I don’t know why I’m bothering to connect with this guy. I think I’m just desperate to fill this car with a noise that’s different to the roaring in my ears and the faint radio music.
“What’d you mean?”
“About how things turned out. Why they were taken from us. Why it had to be them.”
Caden bites his lip, his snakebite glistening in the afternoon sun pouring into the car. “We’re nearly there, you don’t have to fill the silence with a sad attempt at getting to know me.”
Silly me. “God forbid I try to get to know the man I’m supposed to be marrying.” I do what he clearly wants and keep my mouth shut until we pull into the same retail park Fiz brought me to.
Fucking great.
We get out the car, and he comes round to my side. To my absolute shock, his warm fingers find mine at my side.
I yank my hand away like he’s just zapped me with a taser.
He waves me over. “Relax, it’s just a hand, Elodie, it’s not made of fucking spikes.”
“Why the hell do you want to hold my hand?”
He huffs and closes the distance, coaxing my hand away from my body so he can hold it again. “We know everyone in these stores. My dad knows them. He thinks everything’s peachybetween us. Trust me, you do not want him to think anything otherwise.”
I let my hand fall away from me. He interlaces his fingers with mine and leads me towards a clothes store.
“How do you even know all the people here? That’s a hell of a lot of people to trust.”
Caden practically drags me along. “They wash our money for us. They rat us out, and they go down too.”
I understand to a degree. Dad has a car dealership that he used to wash his drug money through, but he kept his employee numbers to a minimum. I suppose the Blackwoods have more of a fear factor than Tony Valor to encourage people to keep their mouths shut.
He leads me inside the store while I’m still trying to filter this weird sensation of having physical contact with Caden Blackwood that’s not bringing me any pain.
My wrists have healed quite well the past week. Alfie tended to them daily and now they’re scabbed over, less sore. It was weird looking at them. I never saw Caden’s face, only Rosco and the others. It seems Caden’s actions didn’t traumatise me enough. Not that I’m complaining.
I’m broken from the confusion when I take in the store. It’s huge. Rack after rack and shelf after shelf of clothes. Jesus.
He comes to a stop just past the doors and turns to me. “What do you want to get?”
I’m stunned. I hadn’t even anticipated getting this far, let alone being asked whatIwanted. My mouth flutters open and shut several times before I can get words to come out. “WhatcanI get?”
He shrugs. “Whatever you want, I don’t care.”
Now, what did I think, he’d already have a wardrobe pre-planned for me, strictly onesies only, or something nun-like? None of the clothes I see come close to that.
