“Don’t you fucking dare say he’s not all that bad. He is and you know it. Your relation to him obligates you to defend him. But we both know the truth. He’s a monster.”
I don’t respond. I may think it, but there’s no way I can say it out loud.
She finally releases me, leaning back into the tub. “Maybe I’d be willing, one day,” she speaks quietly, “if we ever found a way to get along, but right now, it can’t happen. Think of the life thebaby would have if it’s born by parents who are the way we are. It’d be damaged beyond repair.”
I sigh long and slow. I know what she’s doing, and it’s working. I drop her leg, guide her to sitting up and start washing her upper body.
“Please, just this once, Alfie.” She turns her head to show me the fresh tears lining her eyes. “Just tonight. I won’t ask you again.”
I don’t know what this girl’s done to me, but the second she asked me I knew I was going to do it. She didn’t need to beg. It’s only the guilt I’m working on pushing past right now.
I heave in a deep breath. “I’ll fix it, El.”
Her whole body droops and her hands fly to her face as she starts crying again. It’s softer and quieter this time, full of relief.
I get the rest of her body washed, taking my time. Her hands come away from her face, and she finally relaxes, observes me closely as I run my hands and sponge all over her body. A lot of things go unspoken between us as the tension thickens.
A compulsion takes over me. Remnants of Caden could still be between her legs. I didn’t go there with the sponge. I watch her carefully as I reach my hand down. She stares back, her knees slowly falling apart for me. I can wash him away for her. I can take that pain away. I could feel the silkiness of her flesh between her legs, even inside, if I wanted to. She wants me to. Even in this state, she’s willing to let me.
I stroke down the inside of her thigh, heart in my throat as blood rushes to my cock. Her lower lip disappears between her teeth.
Unless that’s all it is. One guy took from her already, so what’s the point in fighting? Just let the other guy take what he wants, too.
But it’s not that, and that’s the worst part. I know how badly she wants me. I know how badly I want her.
I pause just before I reach the top of her leg. If I let myself get a taste, it won’t be enough. I’ll have to claim her. I’ll have to do all the things I’ve been so desperate to do to her. One touch will never be enough when it comes to this girl. My restraint will dissolve, and nothing will stop me from making this girl mine. And she’s not mine.
Fuck. I can’t. I can’t do it.
I pull my hand back and hand her the sponge. She takes it, and I look away to avoid that crushing shame I know is sweeping across her eyes.
Once she’s clean, I get her wrapped in a towel and look at her wrists. They’re sliced up pretty bad, red and sore. I wrap them up in bandages from one of Caden’s medical kits. I dress her in one of his T-shirts, the hem coming down to her bare thighs. Then she stands at the foot of the massive bed, staring at it.
“Are you going to be okay?”
Her eyes find mine. “You’re leaving?”
I scratch the back of my neck. “Well, yeah – not my bedroom.”
Her eyes flicker with disappointment, then something else. “Right, I guess you have your friend to get back to.”
I try to hide my smirk at the jealousy oozing off her tone. “Nah, I sent her away.”
“You did?”
“Hearing someone getting tortured next door kind of killed the vibe.”
She bites her lip. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’d rather be here with you, anyway.” I hook a finger under her chin and tilt it.
Her hands reach up between us and rest on my chest. “Alfie…”
The way she looks at me, how she’s always looked at me, that’s been slowly killing me these two weeks. My thread ofresistance is fraying. El looks at me in this way, like I’m the best fucking thing in this world. And the worst part is, I probably am for her. The kindness, the patience, the protection. Saving her, for fuck’s sake, I probably am her knight in shining armour. But I’m far from. Her standards are just too low.
“El, please.” I hate how desperate it comes out. How obvious it is that I’m losing control.
The look vanishes, replaced by shame and disgust. She drops her arms, backing away. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
