I buried my face in the warmth of his chest, letting his steady heartbeat ground me.I shouldn’t have allowed myself to accept comfort from him, not when I knew he’d hate me the second he found out what really happened tonight.And yet I let myself cling to him.Now that I’d decided what I would do, I’d need the memory of this moment, of his touch, and of being held by someone I cared about.An image I could cling to later when I was alone again.When I once again had nothing.This time, when I lost everything, I wouldn’t even have my car to sleep in.I wouldn’t have anything at all.
“She could have died, Liam.”My voice cracked, and I could scarcely get the words out.“And it’s all my fault.”I jerked away from his embrace, scrubbing my hands over my tear-stained face.But it didn’t erase the raw, hollow ache in my chest.
“I was supposed to be taking care of her.”My throat tightened as the reality of my failure crashed over me again.“And I nearly killed her instead.”
forty-one
on the highway?
Liam
“Whatdoyoumeanyou’re supposed to be taking care of her?”Frowning, I watched Maya pace.“Nana’s a grown woman.She’s been taking care of herself most of her life.”
Maya should have been relieved when I brought Nana home, yet instead she became more agitated as the minutes ticked by.She muttered to herself, paced the tiny living room, and pulled away when I tried to touch her.I wanted to talk her down from whatever ledge she had herself on, but without knowing what got her up there to begin with, it was impossible.
Why would she think she’s responsible for Nana?She helped out, sure, but I’d assumed she was being neighbourly.To Maya, though, it was more than that.
“You’re staying the night, right?”she asked abruptly, stopping mid-pace to fix me with a desperate stare.“Here, on the couch?To make sure she’s okay?”
Her request didn’t make sense; Nana wasn’t an escape artist.But if it made Maya feel better, I’d sleep on the couch.
“Maya.Slow down.”I stepped forward, reaching for her again, but she spun out of my grasp.“Tell me what’s really bothering you.I can’t stand seeing you hurting like this.”
“What’s bothering me?”she repeated, her voice edging into a higher register.She squeezed her eyes shut and whispered, “I messed up.”Her voice broke.“I messed up, and because of it, Nana could have died.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Maya.”I tried again, more softly this time.“She’s perfectly fine.She wasn’t anywhere near death.”
She threw her hands up.“But she could have been.And it would’ve been my fault.”
I shook my head, trying to drag her into my arms again, hoping to calm her, to reassure her, but instead of accepting my comfort, she pushed me away.
Her eyes flashed as she glared up at me.“What are you doing here?Your message said you left.”
“My phone died this morning after I messaged you,” I said carefully, only now realizing that with all the excitement I had yet to tell her my news.“I forgot my charging cord at the B&B, and by the time I bought a new one and got my phone turned back on, I’d already had several messages from you and Greg.”
She waved a hand for me to get on with it.
“When I couldn’t get in touch with anyone, I decided to drive back tonight instead of spending the night in Westborough and coming back in the morning.”
“You were spending the night?”Her tone was incredulous, as if she weren’t sure whether she should believe me.“And driving back in the morning?”
“Yes, Maya.I swear that’s all it was ever going to be.A business contact requested a meeting this afternoon, and I had to leave immediately to make it there in time.Since I was going to be in town, I figured I could grab a few things from my storage locker and come back in the morning.”
“You really weren’t leaving for good?”Her voice was small, unsure.
This time when I reached for her, she let me wrap her in my arms.“No, Maya.I had always planned to come right back.But apparently I’m an idiot who doesn’t know how to be both concise and clear in a text message.When I reread what I wrote, I can see why you would think that I left for good.”
“And that’s when you found Nana?”She murmured the question, her lips forming the words against my chest.She relaxed into me a little more, wrapping her arms around my waist, finally accepting the comfort I offered.
“You were right; it is a good thing there’s only one road into Carlisle Creek.”I dropped a kiss on the top of her head.“She was walking on the side of the road outside of town.I picked her up and took her straight to Dr.Madison.”
She froze, and her face drained of colour.She brought her arms up between us and pushed me away.“She was on the highway?”Her voice quavered.“Where?Which way was she going?”
Shit.I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
“How far, Liam?”Her fingers dug into my chest as she shoved me back further.“Tell me where she was.”
If Maya hated the idea of Nana being outside at night, she was really going to hate hearing how far Nana had walked.
