“Let’s do this.” Together we grab the handles and swing the double doors open wide, stepping into the room to sounds of scattered applause.
A quick look around shows our closest family and friends filling the seats of the tiny courtroom, watching with teary eyes and giant smiles as we make our way to the small judge’s bench. A kind looking older woman introduces herself as Judge Miller before granting us a glimpse of pearly dentures with a wide grin.
“Well, it’s so nice to see you all here today,” Judge Miller begins, her smile never faltering. “I’m sure you understand if I don’t stand on circumstance here today as we celebrate this joyous occasion.” Her grin grows even larger. “Gloria has filled me in on all the details, and of course I’ve followed your story in the Nosey Pecker since the beginning, so I don’t think we need to ask all the questions and do all the other mumbo jumbo thatgoes along with this, do you? The paperwork is in order, so what say we get right to the fun part?”
Nick and I both shake our heads in agreement. I know I, for one, am a little stunned at how casual Judge Miller is being about this, but she’s the judge, so I’m sure she knows what she’s doing. After all, she’s done this before. I haven’t.
“Good, good,” she says, stepping out from behind her dark-paneled bench to approach us. “Then let’s get this show on the road, shall we?” she whispers before giving us a wink. She takes another step forward and addresses our assembled families. “Good afternoon, folks,” she says. “Thank you so much for joining us today. Before we get started, I’ll let you in on a little secret.”
My hand tightens on Nick’s arm as we look at each other with concern. This wasn’t part of the plan. What’s this judge doing?
“I hear there’s a party in town square after this,” she says with a wink. “So what do you say we finalize the adoption of Jared Unsworth and Carson Howe by Nick D’Onofrio and Tina Falcone, then we can head over there to celebrate this new family properly?”
I can’t hear what she says next over the cheers of our assembled families, but one look at Nick and the boys tells me the only thing I need to know. Judge Miller is making us a family, officially. The rest is only details.
When Nick grabs my hand and drags me over to the boys before wrapping us all up in a massive hug, I can’t contain it any longer. I burst into the happiest tears of my life. I’ve never been happier to take responsibility for another human than I am at this moment. And no, the irony of it being one overgrown man-child, and two literal man-children hasn’t escaped me, but you know what? I don’t care.
My mom was right. Idolove taking care of people, and Iamhappier now that I have a family.
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, though. I still have to call a handyman when I need gas range repairs, but maybe my mother was right about that too, and Nick and I need to tie the knot before all my gas range problems disappear.
Finally Got My Ducks In A Row
Nick
“I think my momwas hoping we’d surprise her with a wedding,” Tina says, an exhausted but happy smile on her face. “But with everything else that’s going on, I think that would have been overkill.”
We’re hiding on the steps of the pavilion in the town square, taking a break from the adoption celebration and the well-meaning congratulations from the party-goers. I feel a little weird about accepting congratulations when the reasons we have the boys are so awful. It’s like we’re saying it’s a good thing Carson’s parents died, or that we’re glad Jared’s parents areaddicts who, when Gloria finally tracked them down, signed away their parental rights in a heartbeat. As happy as our little family is, we know what the boys had to lose to get us here. It makes this party seem a little like it’s in poor taste coming so soon after all that.
Not that we aren’t ecstatic that we’ve adopted the boys. It’s just that neither of us wanted a party of this size. But when the Tit Peepers heard we were finalizing our adoption of Jared and Carson, they insisted they be in charge of the reception. What was supposed to be a small celebration with only our closest family and friends has turned into a town wide party. Luckily, most of the people in attendance assume it’s another impromptu cornhole tournament, so we’re spared from having to endure too many conversations with kindhearted but misguided townsfolk. Besides, I’m pretty sure you can’t call yourself a real Tuft Swallower until your party turns into a cornhole tournament. It’s a Swallowers’ rite of passage.
After Milton Maguire found us at the party, and offered yet another apology for what he likes to refer to as the “misunderstanding” that day at Tina’s apartment, I took Tina’s hand and led her to the pavilion so we could have a few minutes to breathe. Tina may be willing to forgive and forget when it comes to that asshole, but I’m not as kind as she is, at least not when Milton is involved. I have a hard time not throwing him back in the dumpster every time I see his stupid face. Or better yet, letting Mayor Winston have another go at him.
“She did make a snarky comment about not seeing a ring on your finger.” I pull Tina closer to me, breathing in her comforting sweet and savory scent. “Nonna Mona giggled the whole time your mom was giving me shit.”
Tina laughs. “Letting Nonna in on the secret was a brilliant idea. My mom’s going crazy because she knows something’s up, but she can’t figure it out.”
I chuckle. I don’t enjoy keeping the secret from Tina’s parents, but I know it’s for the best. If they knew I’d proposed months ago, her mother would have been here every chance she got to help plan the wedding. We’d have never had time to get the adoption sorted out. Plus, we’vereallybeen enjoying our mornings alone together after the boys head off to school,if you know what I mean.
I’ve never been more confident in my decision to hire Rhett as a manager than when I’m buried balls deep in my fiancée. Which I admit is a weird thing to say, but if it weren’t for Rhett, I wouldn’t have the luxury of staying home with Tina in the mornings, so I stand by it.
I grab Tina’s left hand and play with her empty ring finger. “I have to say, it’s a little weird to see you without your ring.”
The simple gold band is tucked in a ring box on our nightstand, right next to the giant container we keep fully stocked with the brand of XXL condoms we prefer. Tina and I decided together not long after I convinced her to move in with me and the boys (which wasn’t until after my kitchen renovation was finished, because I couldn’t in good conscience invite a chef into that mess), that we won’t be having any biological kids of our own. We’re both thrilled to call Carson and Jared our sons, and have discussed the possibility of fostering more teens in the future, but for now, our family is complete.
She laughs. “You know what? It feels weird.” She shifts her body until she’s leaning into me, then rubs her hand along the scruff on my jaw. “But I’m sure one of the nosey nellies from the Tit Peepers will spill the beans any minute, so we won’t have to hide it anymore. Or that damn Nosey Pecker will put it in theirgossip rag while my parents are visiting, and they’ll learn of it that way.”
Tina still isn’t a fan of the Nosey Pecker. She hates not knowing who’s writing about us. In the last couple of months, she’s confronted every Tit Peeper and Spring Chicken in town, but none of them will fess up. Either they’re telling the truth, and they don’t know who writes the Nosey Pecker, or they have better poker faces than anyone I’ve ever met. We avoid playing cards with any of them, just to be on the safe side.
In the last few months, we’ve graced the front page of the Nosey Pecker a few times, thanks to our whirlwind romance and quick adoption of the boys. I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow’s edition. I already have a place for it in the adoption scrapbook I’m making about our little family. I call it the boys’ baby book, which some might say is too tongue in cheek, considering we haven’t been able to track down any baby photos of either of the boys, but they both think it’s funny and theirs are the only opinions that matter. Believe me, though, if I could punch their parents for not preserving anything from the boys’ childhoods, I would do it in a heartbeat. But considering Jared’s parents disappeared again as soon as they signed their rights away, and Carson’s parents are still in their urns in Carson’s closet at home, I’ll have to settle for being pissed off instead.
I take her chin in my hand and tilt her head so I can look into her eyes. “What if we tell her now?”
She relaxes against my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist. “Maybe you’re right. We should probably ask the boys what they think first, though. This is their day, too, after all.”
“Ask us what?” Carson strolls around the corner of the pavilion, Jared hot on his heels. “What are you guys talking about?”
Carson sits on the step next to Tina, and Jared stays standing. No doubt that has something to do with the yarn patchcurrently holding the seat of his pants together. Mrs. Woodcock showed it to me before they stitched it on, and the thing looked lumpy. I bet sitting on it is uncomfortable. Serves him right for practicing kicks in a suit.
