It only takes a few minutes to find what I need in the grocery store, and within fifteen minutes, I’m back in my car with a back seat full of bags. I’m about to pull out of the lot and head back to Tuft Swallow when the phone rings with a number I don’t recognize. My heart races as I stab the answer call button without lightning speed and shout into the receiver.
“Hello? Carson? Is that you?”
“Carson? Who’s Carson? This is your mother. Did you forget we had a call today?”
“Mom? Whose phone are you calling from? I don’t recognize this number.” I hear a commotion in the call’s background, which is a sure sign she’s with my aunts. But I have all of their phone numbers and this number is not one of them.
“Oh, it’s—what’s your name, young man?”There’s some indistinct mumbling in the background.“Well, I never. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”More mumbling, a little louder this time.“Ohhhh, Woodcock. I thought you said Hardcock. You know, like an innuendo? I thought you were plonking me. What’s that? Plunking? Punking? No, I’m prettysure it’s plonking.”Even louder mumbling from the background while my mother laughs.“Yes, Woodcock is a very respectable name. I’m so sorry for the misunderstanding. Valentina? Are you still there?”
“Yes, Mom.” I drop my head back, bumping my messy bun on the headrest. “I’m still here.”
“Oh. Good. The young man said his name is Jay Woodcock.”
Jay Woodcock? Why does that sound so familiar...Oh, shit. I shoot forward in my seat, back ramrod straight. No, no, no. Please tell me this is a horrifying coincidence, and she’s not where I think she is.
“Mom?” I pinch the bridge of my nose under my glasses, rubbing at the headache that is forming between my eyes. “Are you-are you and the aunts in Tuft Swallow right now?”
“Yes, we are. And your father and Nonna Mona are here, too. Say hello, you two.”I hear my dad and Nonna yell hello in the background.“When we didn’t hear from you earlier, we thought it would be fun to drive out and surprise you. But wouldn’t you know it? When we got out of the car, we locked the keys, and all our phones, inside. Can you believe that? This nice Chief Woodcock happened along just as your father was about to climb into your dumpster to find something to use as a... what did you call it, Stan? A skinny Jerry? A thin Tim? A who? A slim Jim? Are you sure? That doesn’t sound right.”My dad’s muffled words echo in the background. “Okay, you don’t have to get huffy about it. He was trying to find something to use as a slim Jim to pop the door locks. Did you know your dumpster smells like the gates of hell? And why aren’t you at the restaurant? It’s getting close to dinnertime and I don’t even smell any sauce.”
The headache becomes a sharp stab behind my eyes as I listen to my mother’s barrage of questions. But there’s no way around this visit now. They’re already in Tuft Swallow. There’s nothing for it but to have Nick bring his guests to the restaurant, whereI’ll subject all three of them to my overbearing family. This should be...fun.
“I’m over in Spitz Hollow. I had to pick up some stuff for a friend, but I was about to head back.”
“Ooh, a friend. Which friend? Is this a boyfriend?”
“No, Mom. It’s not stuff for a boyfriend. It’s for the kid that works for me. I’ll tell you about when I see you, okay? It’s complicated. And you’ll probably think I’m crazy for what I’m planning.”
“I doubt that, sweetheart. Nothing could be crazier than moving away from your entire family to open this pizza restaurant in a tiny town none of us had ever even heard of before. Now that was crazy.”
“Okay, Mom.” I rush to derail that line of conversation because otherwise I’ll be here in this parking lot for the rest of the night. “Listen, I’ll be home in about twenty minutes. Why don’t you go have a drink at the Crow Bar next door? I’ll explain everything when I get back.”
She hums into the phone, and I can tell I’ve piqued her curiosity.“Alright, Valentina. We’ll see you soon. Drive safely. Wear your seatbelt.”
I roll my eyes at her reminder to wear a seatbelt, because for my entire life, it’s literally the first thing I do when I sit in a vehicle. She drilled it into all of us when we were kids, but somehow seems to think we all still need reminders. I love my mom, but sometimes she can be a bit much.
“You bet, Mom. See you soon.”
I hang up and quickly pull up Nick’s contact information so I can tell him about the change of plans.
Tina
Hey, is there any way you can meet me at the restaurant for dinner instead of me going to your place? My family showed up to surprise me and I don’t think you want them taking over your house.
Nick
Wow. That is a surprise. How many of them are there?
Tina
Oh, you know. Just my mom and dad... and my four obnoxiously loud and overbearing aunts.Oh, and my grandmother, Nonna Mona.
I snort a laugh when I read his reply.
Nick
That sounds…loud. Do you need ear plugs?
Tina
