And for that to happen, I should probably apologize for laughing instead of helping when Winston was stealing herpanties. Now that I have a moment to consider the situation, I can’t help but think how strange it is that Winston had the opportunity to steal her underwear at all. Why would she bring Winston into her apartment? As far as I know, he lives on a goat farm outside of town, so what brought him to Tina’s underwear drawer?
“What was Winston doing in your apartment?” I ask, curiosity getting the better of me.
Tina clears her throat and her eyes slide away from mine. “Ileftmydooropenandhewalkedrightin.” The words come out in a rush, so jumbled together that I can’t make sense of them.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t quite hear you. Can you repeat that?”
“Ileftmydooropenandhewalkedrightin.” She slows down this time, but seems to mumble more. I think I heard the word door, but I still need more clarification.
“One more time?”
“I left my door open, and he walked right in,” she says, finally lifting her eyes to mine. “Okay? It’s my fault that an evil ruminant creature strolled into my apartment and helped himself to the contents of my underwear drawer. I came up here after I closed the restaurant, only to discover the damn goat helping himself to a selection of my finest undergarments.”
Wait. What did she just say? Whatthe helldid she just say? Please tell me I didn’t hear what I think I heard.
“You left your door open?”
“Yes.”
“When you got home from work?”
She cringes before muttering, “Not exactly.”
My chest tightens. I can tell where this is going, even while hoping to God I’m mistaken. “What do you mean ‘not exactly’?”
She blows out a breath and crosses her arms over her chest, looking away again. “I think I forgot to close it when I left thismorning.” She raises her eyes in challenge, then shrugs. “I had a lot on my mind.”
My stomach drops even as I feel my frustration build.She left her door open all day? How could she do that? Doesn’t she have any concern for her own personal safety?My mind fills with images suitable for the most bloodcurdling horror movie: scary clowns wielding chainsaws, black-robed wraiths with sadistic smiles staring from the shadows, creepy possessed dolls coming to life, Republicans. Anything could have been waiting for Tina in her apartment when she got home tonight. She’s lucky it was only Winston.
“A lot on your mind?” I say, keeping the hysteria from my voice, but only just. “A lot on your mind?” Okay, the hysteria crept in a little on that last one. “You left your door open all day, Tina. Do you have any idea how unsafe that is?”
She rolls her eyes. “Yes, I do. Chloe and I have had this exact conversation several times. But we’re in Tuft Swallow. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Rage burns a fire through me, and I fight to moderate the volume of my voice. “Several times? And yet you still left your door open? You’re lucky it was only a goat in your underwear drawer, Tina. Even with how small it is, I’m sure Tuft Swallow has its share of creeps.That’sthe worst that could happen. You come home from work to find some creep waiting for you in your apartment. If you’re lucky, all he’ll do is eat some of your underwear, then leave.” She snickers when I mention a creep eating her underwear, and I narrow my eyes at her because it’s not fucking funny. “If you’re not lucky, though...” Fuck. If she’s not lucky…
“I know, I know. It was an accident. I’ve been doing better. Somehow, I just…forgot today.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and blow out of breath, forcing my heart rate to slow by sheer force of will. “You forgot?”
She nods, the hair from her bun flopping down over her forehead. “I’m working on it.”
“Work harder,” I yell, my frustration getting the better of me. Why can’t she understand? “If anything happened to you…”
“Now you wait a damn minute. You don’t get to talk to me this way.” She looks up with fire in her eyes and I know I’ve gone too far. “I am a grown woman who can take care of myself. You don’t get to come around here telling me what to do just because I let you into my pants one time.”
How can she be mad at me for this? For wanting her to be safe?
“You can take care of yourself, can you? Really? So it wasn’t you I heard screaming bloody murder a few minutes ago because she found a goat in her apartment eating her panties? Was it someone else who fell on her ass while trying to extract a goat intruder from her bedroom, then, too?”
Her face flushes a deep red as she stomps over to me. If I weren’t furious with her, it would be cute.
“Now listen here,” she says, poking a finger into my chest. “I will scream about goat intruders if I want to. That’s my prerogative, as it’s my apartment Winston was intruding on. And, if you didn’t notice, I got him out of here just fine on my own. I don’t need you here looking after me.”
“He left because he got bored,” I yell, throwing my hands up. “You fell on your ass when you tried to move him, then he left on his own. He probably had somewhere to be. A ribbon cutting ceremony, or some other mayoral task he needed to attend to, judging by the sash he was wearing. You’d still be here watching him eat your underwear if he hadn’t taken it upon himself to leave.”
She scoffs, rolling her eyes again, crossing her arms over her chest. “Either way, he left. Everything is fine, so you can calm down now,Dad.”
Dad? Dad? Does she really think I’m acting like a dad?My rage teeters over the edge into hysteria, and I bark a laugh. “Dad? Do I look like your dad?”
