My heart flops in my chest before careening off into an erratic rhythm as it tries to break through my ribs in some sort of prison break. I think I pee a little.Oh my God. What do I do, what do I do?
A whimper escapes my throat as the icy grasp releases me, and the lights in the room come on. My vision fills with a cloud of pink as Chloe’s face comes into view, her disappointment plain in her eyes.
“Tina. You promised you would close your door. Imagine my surprise earlier when I went to take the garbage out, and it was hanging wide open. Again.” She crosses her arms over her chest and watches as I drag in breath after relieved breath.
Holy shit. I was sure I was about to die. Or worse.
“You’re lucky it was only me in here tonight. You know you had another date show up downstairs while you were gone? What if he took it upon himself to come up here and wait for you?”
My ragged breaths slow, and my heart stops thumping as hard, though it’s still pounding a pretty impressive beat in my ears as I consider what she’s saying. Another date? Where the hell are these guys coming from? And the door thing, too, of course.
“I’ll try harder to remember the door. But, did you say another date? Who was it?”
She shrugs and steps around me, heading back to the living room slash kitchen area. “One of the douchebros from that new tech place in Spitz hollow. The guy looked like he’d fit right in as an extra in that old movieAmerican Psycho. Between the weird suit and the slicked back hair, I half expected him to hand me an embossed business card before heading into the bathroom to do some coke.”
“Oh my God, Chloe. Please tell me he didn’t do that. We can’t have customers doing cocaine in the bathrooms. Do you know how fast that would end up on the first page of the Nosey Pecker? That is the last thing this place needs. We’d never recover from that kind of press.”
Chloe laughs and waves me off. “Of course not. He argued with me for a minute, insisting he made a date with you on that bumblebee dating app. When he realized you weren’t about to materialize from thin air, he took off, grumbling about having his time wasted.”
I sag, blowing out a breath. “That’s a relief. Those old biddies who run the Nosey Pecker would have never let something like that go. It would get blown out of proportion until suddenly Wings and Pizza is a front for the mob, and we’re giving our cocaine with our wing specials.”
Chloe rolls her eyes at my tirade. “You don’t even read the Nosey Pecker. They’d never write something like that. I’m sure they have some sense of journalistic integrity.”
“Maybe we should put a sign in the bathroom to be sure nothing happens?” I rush ahead, ignoring her. “You know, take a proactive stance? I’m sure someone in town could make one of those cute cross stitches that read ‘please don’t do cocaine in our bathroom’. Do the Dirty Hookers do cross stitch, or are they strictly knitting and crochet?”
“Forget about the cocaine,” Chloe huffs. “And leave that poor knitting club alone. Let’s get back to the subject at hand. We’re talking about you and your complete disregard for personal safety.”
Chloe is like a dog with a bone when she cares about something, and as her friend, I am firmly on that last list. I know she won’t drop this until I convince her I take my safety seriously. But I can’t do that with wet underwear. Having serious conversations while wearing wet underwear is almost as bad as working extended hours in wet underwear. I reach up and tuck a stray strand of hair back into my bun. “I get it,” I say with a nod. “Head back to the restaurant and I’ll be right behind you. We can make a pot of coffee and talk until morning if we need to. But first, I need to change my underwear.” She cocks an eyebrow and I grimace. “I think I peed myself a little when you grabbed me.”
Chloe barks a laugh and shakes her head. “Okay, sounds good. You go ahead and change your pee pee pants while I make some coffee.”
She’s still chuckling to herself as she makes her way back out of my apartment and down the darkened stairs. After taking a quick shower and changing into clean clothes, I join her in the restaurant.
“I’m ready for my talking to,” I say as I grab the coffee cup she holds out to me. She’s already added the cream and sugar, so I take a deep drink and lick the sweet liquid from my lips. “Perfect, as always.”
Chloe rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her own coffee. “Of course it’s perfect. I made it. You know I don’t mess around with coffee. A diligence I would love to see you take with your own safety.”
I heave a sigh. So we’re jumping right in then, are we?
“Don’t you breathe heavily at me, young lady.” Her mouth twitches with a snicker she doesn’t allow to pass her lips. “You’re my best friend, and I won’t allow you to keep flouting your personal safety.”
“Come on, you know that’s not true. I care about my personal safety.”
She scoffs and looks at me over her cup, her eyes steely. “Oh, really? So then, tell me. Did you close your door just now when you came down?”
Damn it! The sound of her frustrated laughter chases me out the door and up the stairs, where I pull the door shut until I hear it click. My walk back into the restaurant is the shortest, weirdest walk of shame ever. I’m not stumbling home barefoot wearing last night’s dress with my heels in my hand, but it feels pretty similar. I can’t believe I forgot to close the door minutes after Chloe scared me half to death. I will never live this down.
“What was that you were saying? You care about your personal safety?” Chloe asks when I push the door open.
“Shut up.” I drop into the chair and take another drink of my coffee. “That was a practice run. I’ll close it next time.”
“Tina...” Chloe hangs her head and her shoulders rise as she takes a deep breath. “I’m not doing this to piss you off. I just want you to take care of yourself. This is no different from when I suggested you take a multivitamin to balance out all the pizza and pasta you eat.”
I could argue, but as usual, Chloe is right. “Okay. I promise I will close my door.”
“And lock it.”
“Hey, that wasn’t part of the deal.”
