I’m the only one here who’s in obvious distress. My head is swimming and my stomach is roiling, threatening to empty itself with every whiff of poop that hits my nostrils.Deep breaths, Archer. Deep breaths through your mouth. You can’t throw up just because it smells bad.I’m so lost in my misery that I don’t even hear my door open ten minutes later.
“Archer? Where are you?” Gavin’s voice cuts through the stench and helps me focus.
“Over here,” I call out. “In the living room.”
“Is everything alright?” William’s voice sounds like he’s still standing by the door.
“Oh, shit. And I mean that literally.” Gavin barges into the room, gets one look at me, and bursts out laughing. “William. Get in here. You gotta see this.”
William steps into the room behind Gavin, a snicker escaping before he schools his features. “Oh. Mr. Fade, I mean, Archer. You’re looking…uh, well?”
Gavin laughs harder, doubling over and holding his stomach. He wrestles his phone from his pocket and snaps some pictures. “I’m keeping these for future blackmail opportunities. You never know when something like this could come in handy.”
“You assholes. Someone come help me, please. I need a towel or something. It’s dripping onto the couch.” My stomach rolls. “And if I don’t get a bucket soon, I’ll be adding to this mess.”
“Where are your towels?”
“There’s a linen closet in the hallway. There should be some in there.”
William takes off at a jog.
“And where can I find a bucket?” Gavin asks, still catching his breath after laughing so hard at my misfortune.
“Get a trashcan from any bathroom. I don’t have a dedicated bucket.” I’ve never been sick enough to require one. Who knew babies, along with being messy little creatures all on their own, could make adults physically ill with only their stink?
Gavin takes off down the hallway as William returns with towels.
“Here you are, Mr. Fa—I mean, Archer,” he says as he hands me one. “I brought a few.”
“Thank you, William.” I take the towel he offers and carefully bundle it around Lincoln, holding him in one arm. “I don’t suppose you know of a good upholstery and leather cleaner who’s open for business over the holidays?” I sit up and reach for another towel.
He scrunches his nose in disgust and looks at the spot on the couch where I was laying. “With all due respect, it might be best to burn it.”
I use the second towel to soak up the mess on my shirt and wipe my stomach as best I can. When I look at the couch cushion beside me, there’s an hourglass shape where my body protected the cushion from Lincoln’s explosion.
“Here you go, man.” Gavin drops a bucket on the floor beside me. “Oh, shit. Look at your couch!” He chuckles. “I knew he wasn’t feeling well. Do you have a baby bathtub around here somewhere?”
I nod. “It’s in Lincoln’s bathroom.”
“He has his own room? That’s awesome.” He looks around. “This place is nice. You looking for a roommate?”
I chuckle, the worst of the nausea behind me. “Not on your life, kid. I like you, but there’s no way I’m letting you move in.”
Gavin shrugs. “It was worth a shot. I think I have a place lined up already, anyway.”
“I need to get back to the security desk. Will that be all?”
“Yeah, William. Thank you for everything.”
I turn to Gavin while William lets himself out.
“Want me to take care of Lincoln’s bath?”
“Nah. But can you show me how to do it? I’m at a disadvantage with all this baby stuff. I could use all the help I could get.”
He gives me a strange look, then shrugs again. “Sure, come on.”
Together, we move into Lincoln’s room and make our way to the bathroom. He pulls the baby bathtub out of the linen closet and brings it to the shower stall.
