Chapter 34 - Becca - Old Ladies Say the Darndest Things
I’m standing by the drinks table watching Denise and Ryder’s friends and family dance on the small dance floor that we all pitched in to construct earlier today, when Ryder’s Gran, a hilarious little spitfire named Delores, sidles up beside me.
“Well, girlie. How come you’re not out there dancing with that handsome young fellow who’s been staring at you all night?” She tips her chin in Johnny’s direction. “He’s doing downright indecent things to you with his eyes right now, you know.”
I feel my cheeks heat and I’m thankful for the darkness. When we put up the lights earlier, we focused on getting them around the dance floor and the altar, with just one string decorating the drinks table. It makes it a little trickier to pour drinks, but I’m glad for it now.
Gran adjusts her shiny golden fanny pack so that it rests on the hip of her matching shiny golden tracksuit. She and her best friend Gladys love wearing tracksuits. Gladys wore a shiny silver one tonight when she performed Denise and Ryder’s wedding ceremony. She also had a matching fanny pack. Usually their track suits are more brightly coloured, so I’m guessing these are their formal tracksuits. It is a wedding, after all.
“Oh, yeah,” I say, looking for something to tell her that doesn’t make me sound like a lunatic. “It’s… complicated? And I’m kind of working.” I hold up my camera for her to see. Brilliant. I’m so sure that will work.
“You’ve taken plenty of pictures. I’m sure you could spare a few minutes for a dance. You kids and your ‘it’s complicated’ nonsense. You’re interested, he’s interested, it’s not rocket science. Spend time together, play with each other’s genitals a little bit, and see where it goes from there.”
I choke on my drink and splutter out a laugh. No matter how often I hear it, I still can’t believe the way Gran talks sometimes. And Gladys is even worse.
“There, there, dear. Get it out,” Gran says while she gently pats my back. “You’re okay.”
Ryder and Johnny walk up at the same time, coming from opposite directions, both wearing amused smiles.
“What’s going on here? Gran, are you corrupting Becca?” Ryder wraps his Gran up in a big hug, no doubt happy that she’s still here.
I still can’t believe that she orchestrated this whole wedding on the same day Denise’s crazy ex-boyfriend tried to take her hostage. He didn’t plan on the little old lady having bigger balls than he did, though, and now he’ll be spending several years in prison.
“How dare you, young man,” Gran says with feigned outrage. “Of course I am. It’s my job as an old lady to corrupt everyone I can, and I take that responsibility very seriously. Just wait until that baby Denise is having is old enough for me to corrupt. We’ll have some real fun then.”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” I tell them, hoping they drop it. It’s bad enough Gran told me that I should be playing with Johnny’s genitals. I really don’t want her announcing it to anyone else.
“What did you say, Gran?” Johnny asks her.
“I just said that love isn’t that complicated. You spend time together, you play with each other’s genitals, and you see where it goes. Nothing could be less complicated than that.”
A laugh explodes from Ryder. “Oh Gran,” he says, shaking his head, “never change.”
He’s still shaking his head and chuckling a few seconds later when he walks away.
“Well, you two mind what I said, alright? I need to be moving along. I see Gladys calling me over and she has that poor Aiden backed into a corner. Look at his little red face.” She grins and begins backing away while making an obscene gesture by repeatedly pushing her finger into a hole she’s made with the fingers of her other hand. “Don’t forget about playing with each other’s genitals. That part’s the most fun.”
I choke on a laugh and hear Johnny’s strangled laugh in response. We look at each other and let the laughter free.
“Gran is… interesting, isn’t she?” Johnny asks. “She’s gotten a lot stranger since she moved into the Peaceful Pines retirement home and met Gladys. Did I ever tell you about Hunter and the firecracker incident? At the end of it he didn’t have a single hair left on his body.”
“Did I hear someone say my name?” An attractive man walks up to us, smiling ear to ear. He looks just like Ryder, just a little shorter, with lighter hair and more tattoos. “Johnny, introduce me to your beautiful friend.”
A low growl escapes Johnny. Aww, he’s jealous. It’s a cute look for him. He paints on a smile and introduces me. “Hunter, this is Becca. Becca, this is Hunter. Hunter owns the shop that I brought you to for your tattoo. Becca is an incredibly talented photographer.”
“I thought your purse looked incredibly realistic,” Hunter jokes, gesturing to my camera.
I laugh. Johnny scowls. Hunter looks confused.
“Oh, wait,” Hunter says. “You’re the one Johnny did the horror tattoo on?”
“That’s me.”
“He told me you got a giant Freddy Krueger tattoo as your first, when you were only fourteen. That’s crazy. Would you mind showing it to me?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Why not?” My eyes drift to Johnny. “Can you hold my camera for a sec?”
He nods and I slip the strap off my shoulder, handing it to him. I motion for Hunter to follow me to the dance floor, so we have more light. Once there, I slide my dress up over my right thigh, showing him the piece that Uncle Silas gifted me with so many years ago.
