“You want to do what?” I splutter, so shocked I can feel the look of it on my face. “I thought we agreed that we’re just going to be friends?”
Johnny came in here tonight, bouncing around like a puppy, and now I realize it’s because he was all excited about this plan he’d cooked up that he says will solve the problem I have of my mom setting me up on dates. And it solves the mystery of his very effective puppy dog eyes. They work because he’s part puppy.
“Let me clarify. I’ll be yourfakeboyfriend,” he says. “We’ll just tell her we’re together and continue doing what we already do. We’re friends and we’re together often enough that it shouldn’t be hard to fake a relationship.”
We’re sitting on the couch, drinking the beers that he brought over while some superhero movie plays in the background. We’d barely finished our first beers before he spat out this plan, so it’s safe to say he caught me by surprise.
“My fake boyfriend? That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.” I don’t know why, but I’m picturing costumes and some sort of juvenile shenanigans.
And lots of fantastic sex.
My cheeks suddenly feel like they’re on fire and I hope the lamp light is dim enough that Johnny can’t see how red I’m getting. “Isn’t that going to hold you back from finding the love of your life?”
Johnny has opened up to me about wanting to find his other half, his soul mate. He’s the most romantic person I’ve ever met. He’s the adult male version of little girls who play princesses and plan out their weddings. Not that he’ll admit he has his wedding planned, but I’d bet good money that he already has his eye on a venue and a colour scheme in mind.
“No, I’m taking a break from that for now,” he sighs, finishing his beer and opening another. “I’ve been looking for her for years with zero success. I think maybe it’s time to sit back and wait for her to come to me.”
When we met, Johnny had thought that I would be that person for him, but now he knows that’s not something I do; I only do one night and then I walk away. I still feel a little embarrassed when I remember how I was straddling him on this couch, shirtless, and he lifted me off of him and told me he would want more than one night with me. Which is exactly why this fake relationship thing could prove to be a disaster. He’s going to catch feelings and I’m going to have to hurt him.
That, and he makes me want to break my one night rule. Not that I can tell him that. It wouldn’t be fair to give him that kind of hope, knowing that once he knows more about me, he’ll want nothing to do with me.
“I don’t know, Johnny. It seems like with how you used to feel about me that this could be a bad idea.” A bad idea that I suddenly want more than anything.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Becca. I think we’ve become good enough friends to tell you that I still feel a little something more than friendly toward you. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen; I’d have to be blind not to notice. But this fake relationship could work out the best for that, too. I’ve never made it past a couple of months with a woman, no matter what I thought I felt for her at the start. Maybe this is a way to get it out of my system while helping you with your problem at the same time?”
When he says it like that, it almost makes sense.
“We would need to have rules.” I find myself saying, my heart agreeing to the plan when my head knows it’s not a good idea. “Things we can and can’t do. That sort of thing.”
“Of course,” he says. “And I’d need to meet your mom too, I’m guessing, or she won’t believe you?”
Ugh. Of course, I forgot about that part. What are the chances that my mother could behave in front of Johnny and not give away how disgusting she finds me? Probably not very good. But if I want her to stop setting me up with these losers, this is my best chance. It might even be a good way for Johnny to get over me. If he knows that even my own mother thinks I’m unlovable, he’ll be ready to move on to someone more suitable for him. Like a supermodel or something.
“Okay. Let’s do it.” I blurt out before I can change my mind.
Johnny’s eyes light up and an enormous smile splits his face. “Alright. Let’s make some rules.”
