“I don’t? Are you sure?”
I squint back at her. “Yes?”
She cocks her head, then laughs. “You had me going for a second. If you find them, can you bring them to me?”
“Sure,” I agree, urging her to keep walking toward her room. “If I find the glasses that you don’t wear, I will bring them to you.”
“Phew. That’s a relief. I don’t think I could deal with a whole day of my vision being like this.”
I help her stumble through her door, both of us giggling the entire time. I may be drunk, be she’s drunker. More drunk? Dranker? Whatever. All I know is I’m not the one who thinks I wear glasses when I don’t.
She makes it to the end of her bed before falling face down on top of the blankets. I barely manage to grab the bottle out of her hand before she dumps its contents into the middle of the mattress.
“Okay, Alex. Help me out here,” I say while working her ratty old jogging pants off. “There you go. Get under the blankets. That’s good.” It’s not good. She’s not moving. Her bare legs are hanging off the end of the bed and she’s making no attempt to move up.
“Come on, Alex. Let’s go.” I grab her legs and try to wheelbarrow her further onto the bed, rocking my body to get her to bounce forward inch by inch. One look in the mirror on her dresser tells me what we look like, and I burst out laughing. Good thing no one can see me right now. With just a little further to go, I climb up on the bed, straddle her legs, and use a bounce and push motion with my hands on her butt to move her the rest of the way. Hey, now that I’ve got the humping out of the way, I may as well get a handful of ass.
“You’re lucky I love you,” I tell her as I pull the blankets up. “Not many people would go to the trouble to make sure you’re on the bed. At least, not many people would do it for me.”
Once I’ve tucked her in, I bring her a bottle of water and a bucket for beside the bed, just in case.
I should clean the living room a little before I go to bed, but instead I grab my phone and do one of those things that you should never do when you’ve had too much to drink.
I drunk-text Johnny.
Shit.
