I throw the flamenco bridesmaid dress at her. “Shut up. I do not have a stick up my butt. I’m a fun person. I have fun… things… I do things… of fun… that are fun.” I shake my head, trying to get my thoughts in order. “Things.” I squint at her and shoot her with my finger guns. “Pew pew. Nailed it.”
How many of these margaritas have I had already? And when did it get dark outside? How long have we been digging around in my closet?
“How drunk are you?” Xena asks with a chuckle. “Hold on, I know how we can tell. One sec. Where’s my phone?” She digs through a pile of discarded clothing options until she finds her phone. She swipes a few times, giggling the entire time, before making a big show of pressing something on her screen.
And then it happens. The bass starts pumping. The music is flowing. And I am free.
“Oh shit, this is my jam!” I yell, throwing my arms up in the air and start dancing around.
“Yup, I think you’re drunk.” Xena laughs as I rap along with the lyrics. How she doesn’t get excited over Sir-Mix-A-Lot’sBaby Got Backis beyond me. This song is brilliant.
“I forgot I brought something for you,” she says before running from the room.
She comes back in with a big t-shirt and a pair of scissors and gets busy laying it all out on the bed. She starts cutting the shirt, but I’m too busy declaring my love for big butts to even care about finding something to wear anymore. I could happily stay in my apartment and dance to this song all night.
I suppose it’s a good thing that the store I live over is closed right now. I doubt the cute older lady who runs that place would be as excited about big butts as me and my pal Sir-Mix-A-Lot.
“OK, I’ve got it,” Xena says proudly. “Put these on.”
She thrusts a pile of clothes in my arms and leaves the room. The crazy girl has even picked out my underwear. On top of the pile sits a dark purple lace thong with a matching bralette that I have never seen in my life. She must have bought these for me, and had this planned all along.
I strip and slip on the underwear and inspect the other items she’s chosen for me. The denim shorts are a little shorter than I’d normally wear, but she’s also thoughtfully added a pair of fishnet tights to go underneath them. Adding those over the underwear on my body, I pick up the only item left of the pile she’d given me. It’s a black t-shirt which she’s cut the arms and part of the sides out of (so that’s what she was doing with the scissors), turning it into a tank top. On the front is the picture of a drummer, his long hair flying, sweat making his shirt stick to his body, and his arm muscles flexed and visible even in the picture. I turn the tank around and written across the back in huge letters are the wordsSleeping Dogs.It’s the band that Devon works security for. He must have a ton of these things lying around for Xena to have stolen this one.
Once the entire outfit is on, I only see one minor problem.
“Xena,” I call through the open bedroom door. “This shirt is way too long. What am I supposed to do with it?”
She comes running into the bedroom and skids to a stop when she sees me.
“You look amazing!” She yells, her eyes wide. “Just tuck in the front like this.”
She comes to me and shoves a little of the shirt into the front of the shorts. I turn to the mirror. That actually looks pretty good. A lot less buttoned up than I normally look, anyway.
“Now for makeup,” Xena says. “Come with me.”
I follow Xena back to the living room where she’s set up what looks like a little makeup and hair studio on my coffee table. She instructs me to sit on the couch and then immediately gets to work. I don’t even recognize half the things she uses. I tend not to wear makeup at work. At least, I didn’t when I was a cop. Who knows what I’ll do at my next job. If I decide to wear it, no doubt I’ll need Xena to teach me how to put it on.
“There. Perfection.” She hands me a mirror and I get my first peek at my fresh look. Well, my look for tonight anyway. I’m wearing more makeup than I’ve ever worn before, but the way Xena’s done it just makes me look mysterious. Everything is dark, but it somehow makes my eyes look bigger and greener than their normal hazel colour. And she’s used a dark red lipstick to make lips where there were none.
“Holy shit, Xena. What did you do? I barely recognize myself.” I turn my head from side to side, admiring the vaguely Viking-esque hairstyle she’s done for me. She’s done assorted messy braids on the sides and teased the top into a mohawk, leaving the rest loose in my natural waves. “Are you sure Bump & Grind is what you want to do with your life? Because you could make a ton of money styling people. You really have a gift.” I gush. “I can’t even see the old cop me in the mirror. Like, if anyone on the force saw me now, they wouldn’t even recognize me.”
“Let’s find out,” she says. “Put these on then stand up.” She hands me my pair of beat up old combat boots. I used to wear these with my uniform until they were too worn looking to be presentable. They’re hella comfortable though, so I kept them anyway.
I stand up and put a hand on my hip, cocking it out to the side. “How’s this?” I say with a laugh. “Am I sexy now?”
“You look gorgeous, darling. Work it, work it. Yasss!” She snaps picture after picture with her phone while I laugh and vogue my way through a bunch of ridiculous poses.
“OK, that’s enough.” I sit down with a huff. “If we’re going dancing, then let’s get going. I think I’m ready to shake my ass now. Whoever the Rhea is that wears outfits and makeup like this,” I gesture up and down my body. “She really loves shaking her ass.”
Xena laughs. “Well, what are we waiting for, then? Let’s go shake our asses.”
Chapter 6
Aiden - How Do I Keep Getting Into These Situations?
Devon did not beat my ass at Mario Kart like he intended, and he was called over to Connor’s place for something before he had the chance to redeem himself with a rematch. Why he even thinks he could beat me, I’ll never know. I live and breathe these games and systems when I’m not drumming, and choosing a classic, well-known game when you challenge me is just about the dumbest move you can pull.
Another dumb move a person could pull is showing up where the person you’re interested in is going to be with their date. Somehow that is exactly what Johnny is doing tonight and because I’m an idiot, I am going with him.
