“That’s what I said. But apparently the heels aren’t a feminine style, and pairing skirts with band tees isn’t professional. He basically thinks I look ‘too rock-and-roll’.” She makes air quotes with her fingers.
“Too rock-and-roll?” I have to laugh. “He knows that you manage a rock band, right? How else would you dress?”
“I honestly don’t know.” She sighs. “But I like how I dress now. I’m not changing myself for him.”
“Good for you; you’re perfect. You don’t need to change for anyone. And for what it’s worth, I love the way you dress. You always look amazing.” This might be a bit much for this conversation, but I need her to know how great she looks when she wears what she likes. “You should only change the way you dress because you want to. Not because Andrew is looking for something… different. If he wants you to change that badly then maybe it’s not you he wanted in the first place.”
“Yeah, that’s kind of what I was thinking too.” She looks over at me, turning her body in my direction. “I just feel dumb that I wasted so much time on him, you know? I’m not exactly getting any younger.”
I must have a look of shock on my face because Denise laughs and adds, “I’m 36, that’s not young, especially since I’m a woman.”
“That’s not old, Denise. And even if it were, what does it matter? You have a good life, right? With a job you enjoy and friends who love you.” Some of us a little more than others but I can’t tell her that now. “Everything will fall into place when it’s meant to. Hell, just look at Connor and Alex.”
“Yeah, I guess.” She frowns. “I guess I always thought I’d be married and have kids by now…”
Oh, it all makes sense now. I pull her towards me and put my arm around her again.
“Women are having kids older these days. You still have lots of time. Don’t worry about that. For now, just focus on feeling better. Things will look different when your stomach isn’t trying to empty itself every few minutes.”
She snuggles in closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder.
“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s just watch the rest of the movie.”
I’m not about to ruin this moment, so I don’t say anything. I just nod. Sitting here like this with her is the stuff dreams are made of. I’m not going to tell her how I feel right now, but after a little time has passed, I will. I can’t take the chance that she’ll find another Andrew, or another anyone for that matter. I’ve tried to get her out of my head for years and it hasn’t ever worked. It’s past time for me to come clean. I just hope I haven’t ruined my chances already by being such a fuck-up for the last fifteen years.
