12
Denise - How Did Alex Get So Smart?
Ryder said he loves me.
He loves me and I told him I can’t love him back.
How did I get myself into this mess? I can’t believe after all these years of taking care of everything, one little slip up has made this much of an impact on my life.
I’m having Andrew’s baby.
I have never really gotten over Ryder.
Ryder just confessed that he loves me.
How can I possibly try to work things out with Andrew when I know how Ryder feels?
Being pregnant is causing me so many issues right now, but I already know there’s no way I’m not going to keep this baby. I was just telling Ryder how I’m not getting any younger, so I’m sure he’ll understand my need to try with Andrew once he finds out I’m having his baby.
If that’s even the right move. Maybe I should call Alex with this recent development? She’s the only person I’ve told about the pregnancy so far, and I need someone to talk to.
She picks up immediately, almost like she was expecting my call.
“Hey Girl, how are you doing?” she asks as soon as she picks up.
“I’ve been better, actually. Do you have time to talk?”
“For you I do.” I can hear the smile in her voice. “Just let me get into another room.”
“OK, thanks. You’re the only one who knows about my situation, so you’re the only one I can talk to right now.”
“Alright, I’m ready. Tell me what’s going on. You sound upset.”
I take a couple of deep breaths before launching into the story. I leave out the details of exactly what Ryder and I did on the deck. But other than that, I tell her everything. Old feelings, new feelings, my desire to cut Andrew out of my life because he’s not right for me, my fear of not having a father for the baby, my fear of allowing Ryder’s feelings to get to me even though I know nothing can come of it; all of it.
“Wow,” she says after a minute. “That is a lot.”
“Yeah, it sure is.”
“Okay, let’s break this down into more manageable parts. Would you stay with Andrew if it weren’t for the baby?”
“No,” I say without hesitation. “I had already broken up with him before I found out I was having this baby. I can honestly say I wouldn’t be trying to compromise if it weren’t for the baby.”
“Okay, that’s good. Do you think you need a live-in partner for you to take care of a kid?”
“Well, no. I can’t say it wouldn’t be nice to not be the only person waking up at night, though.”
She laughs. “Yeah, I could see that.”
“But I suppose I could do it myself. Or hire a nanny to help.”
“Right. You are the most capable woman I know, and I guarantee you that when the guys find out about the baby, you’ll have more help than you could ask for, anyway. This baby is going to be a band baby whether you like it or not.”
It’s my turn to laugh now. I’ve been so caught up in the Andrew question I forgot to consider how many honorary uncles this baby is going to have. These guys have been some of my best friends for fifteen years. I won’t lack for support if I need it. Plus, Alex is in our lives now, and she’s already helped me so much.
“You’re not wrong about that.”
“Okay. So I conclude you don’t need Andrew around for this, nor do you want him around for just you. He can be a father to the baby without being your boyfriend. You don’t need to change yourself for someone just so that kid will have a dad. He’ll have several uncles, and a very awesome auntie if I do say so myself, to help you when you need. You should only keep Andrew as your boyfriend if you want him that way. And it sounds to me like you don’t.”
