Well, that settles it then. My decision made, I text her right back.
Me- OK, I’ll be there in a few. We need to talk. You owe me an explanation.
Becca- Shit. You saw him, didn’t you?
Me- Yes. And I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I’m on my way. Talk soon.
I’m already walking back in when I put my phone away. By the time I make it through security, buy myself another coffee, and walk down the length of the arena to the side of the stage, it’s been 20 minutes. Becca is just going through security at the side of the stage when I get there, so we follow a security guard to the back together.
“I’m not happy with you,” I yell over the music. “How could you not tell me you found him? And how comeInever managed to track him down?”
“I thought it would be a fun surprise. You said he’s the only one who never cheated on you. I thought it might be nice to see someone who didn’t throw you away. He apparently goes by the last name Ashley now, that’s probably why you couldn’t find him.”
Shit. I can tell she really thought she was doing something nice. It’s hard to stay mad at someone when they actually want you to be happy.
“Fine. I forgive you. But it’s still a dumb idea.” I’m speaking quietly now because I don’t want the security guard to hear this. “He may not have cheated, but he still changed his phone number when I moved away. He might as well have cheated, it probably would have been easier than going from thinking we were fine to having no contact at all. And he’s clearly popular now. He probably doesn’t even remember me.” Somehow I’ve convinced myself that he didn’t look directly at me just a few minutes ago, with recognition clear on his face.
“Not possible,” Becca starts, “how could he not-”
“Shit, Becca, what if he doesn’t remember me? That would be so humiliating. You haven’t told anyone about this, have you? Please don’t say anything to anyone.” I am freaking out now, panicking that he might not remember me. I’ve always remembered him so fondly, but what if he doesn’t remember me at all? Maybe he just looked at me because I am dressed so differently to what the skanks in the front normally dress like? I think that might break the last little piece of my heart that I’ve protected through all these terrible relationships. “Say nothing, Becca. We’ll just do what we’re here to do, and then we’ll go home. I wouldn’t be able to deal with it if I try to talk to him and he doesn’t even know who I am. I’ll just be your assistant and stay in the background so I won’t need to worry about it.”
“Alex, Alex, relax. I promise I won’t say anything.” Becca strokes my back while I practically hyperventilate. “Let’s just go get set up, we’ll be as quick as possible, which is what they want too, and then we’re gone. No after party, no messing around, nothing. We’ll go home and that’s it. Ok?”
I take a deep breath. “Ok, let’s go.”
“Here we are, ladies,” the security guard says, opening the door to a nicely furnished room. “And don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.” He winks at me and stands off to the side to give us a little privacy. My jaw drops. He heard us. Please don’t let him tell Connor.
“Shit shit shit,” I’m pacing the floor now. “I can’t do this. I’m freaking out.” My heart is racing and I feel like my breath can’t catch up. “Is this what a heart attack feels like?”
Becca walks over to the bar at the side of the room and grabs a bottle of whiskey. Bringing the bottle over, she motions for me to give her my coffee cup. She opens it up and tops off my coffee with whiskey. When the lid is back on the coffee, she gives it back to me and takes the whiskey back to the bar.
“There, now you have an Irish Coffee. Drink that up and calm down while I make sure I have everything ready. We might have an hour before they get back here, so there’s plenty of time before you need to worry about anything. We can probably even sneak to the side of the stage to watch part of the show if you want. Watch him in action for a few minutes without risk of him seeing you. Once I’m set up, we won’t need to stay in here the whole time.”
I can’t even respond, so I just focus on drinking my coffee. This is going to be a shit show.
Chapter 9
Connor - Youthful Memories
As usual, I am the last one to go onstage. The spotlights come up gradually, starting with Aiden, then on to Travis, Ryder, and Johnny, and finally, on to me. When my spotlight comes up, I look out at the crowd and my eyes settle on someone in the first row. I must be more drunk than I thought. Why would Alex be at one of our shows?
She looks like she did that first time I saw her in the park. When we were fourteen and she was staring at me with her green eyes. That was the day I fell in love, for the only time in my life. It still hurts a little when I think that she just left Fallbridge, and me, without looking back. I wish I could say that she wasn’t the reason I chose to move to Westborough when I turned 18, but I’d be lying. I always hoped I would find her somewhere, even though she ghosted me when she left Fallbridge.
I blink out of my memory and try to focus on her in the crowd, but the spotlight’s up and I can’t see anyone who looks like her. Must’ve been my imagination because all I see now is the usual, under-dressed and overly made-up groupies who normally line the front row at our shows. I shake my head to get myself back in the game. We have a show to put on.
“Good Evening Westborough! We are Sleeping Dogs, and we are so happy to be here for this, the last show of our tour. You guys sure know how to welcome us home.” The guys transition into the song from the messing around they’ve been doing and we get the show underway. “This is Youthful Memories.”Youthful Memoriesis always a crowd favourite. Nostalgic feelings with a hard rock vibe. I wrote it about Alex, after the sadness from our break up lessened and I could look back and see how big my love for her actually was. It always hurt, but at some point, the memories became a buoyant force in my life and I could celebrate what we had, instead of dwelling on what I lost.
It wasn’t the first song we had on the set list. We were going to play something from a more recent album, but after imaging that I saw Alex, I somehow introduced Young Memory without even meaning to. Good thing the guys are professionals and can transition into any song. After my trip down memory lane, and imagining Alex in the crowd, I have a feeling I’ll be making a few changes to the set list.
Chapter 10
Alex - Irish Coffee and Dirty Thoughts
“That’s all I need to do for now. Want to sneak out and catch a little more of the show?” Becca puts her camera bag down behind the bar and comes over to the big armchair I’m sitting in. “He won’t be able to see us and it could be fun to see him in action.”
Truthfully, I’d spent far too many hours imagining what it would be like if we met again, but I never thought it would be backstage at his huge fucking rock concert. I thought we’d be on more level ground. Now he’s an enormous star and I’m a personal chef to rich assholes. Not exactly in the same social class.
But I suppose it can’t hurt to look.
