But the worst thing about it was that she knew his accusations were justified.
And his words, harsh as they were, possessed the thing he’d always stood for. What she’d stood for at one time too.
The truth.
Chapter 18
Jordan scrubbed the bathroom walls, grateful for the chance to do something physical as he attempted to push aside the meltdown he’d had at EJ’s picnic. How could he have lost control like that? Yet how could he not? She wasn’t the same person he’d always known. And the way she’d acted made him think she still didn’t get it. Which made him long to return to that moment, when he’d thrust his gift at her, then instantly wished he could take it back.
EJ certainly hadn’t missed the fireworks at the farm, seeing he’d managed to bring them himself. He was such an idiot.
His fingers clenched around the green-and-yellow scouring pad. Had he supported her in her delusional building of self-entitlement? He hated to admit it, but probably yes.
The fumes from the cleaning product made him gag and long for fresh air. Ben had been grateful when he’d come home earlier than expected from EJ’s birthday lunch, or whatever it was. It sure hadn’t felt like a celebration, more like a wake, where he’d stood there remembering the girl he’d known and wondering about this imitation woman.
But at least such a fail of a day meant he had more time to do this. He and Ben should have cleaned up earlier, especially as James and Rachael were due back tomorrow, but he’d figured it was probably best to save this room for last so it smelled fresh. Well, fresher, anyway.
He staggered upright, went to the back door, and dragged in fresh air. All this cleaning and its associated fumes was making him feel lightheaded.
“Mate, you okay?” Ben called from where he was wiping down the kitchen.
“Yep.”
Ben sighed. “Can’t believe we’re finally gonna say goodbye to the old place.”
“Three years has been a long time.”
“It’s been longer for you. What, six years living with James now?”
“I think so.” Jordan had first started sharing a house with James when he’d just finished uni. Their first place was near Newtown, and now this one in Glebe. “It’s not the same as back then.”
“Life has a way of changing things.”
“That’s for sure.”
Changing housing situations. Changing jobs. Changing people.
His mind instantly flicked back to EJ and the look of shock on her face when he’d accused her of that. People rarely saw how they’d changed, having a blind spot regarding that.
But he couldn’t help but think that maybe he’d gone in too heavy, that he’d swung the equivalent of a verbal cricket bat when he should have practiced what got preached and what he’d prayed and gone in with soft words that turned away wrath. He could be such a wally sometimes.
“Jordan?”
He shook his head and stalked back to the bathroom, hands on hips, eyeing what still remained.
“Dude.” Ben followed him in. “If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to. You and Aidan have already done a lot of cleaning in the other rooms.”
“It’s fine.” No way was he going to admit he needed to clean to distract himself from before. Now to distract Ben so he didn’t ask more questions. “So, what did you think of the latest Swans game?”
They small-talked opinions about Australian Rules Football and the Sydney Swans’ season. And they managed to finish the bathroom and toilet area, all the while wishing that they’d employed a professional cleaner to do this part of the house at least. Nobody should deal with the bathroom belonging to a share house of men. Gross.
“You sure you’re okay?” Ben asked. “You’ve been awfully quiet ever since you got back from EJ’s birthday bash.”
That was about the correct term for it. He’d verbally bashed her, after all. Even if he claimed it as being honest. He had a funny feeling that he’d never forget that distress in her eyes when he called her a fake.
“It didn’t exactly go as I expected.” Or rather, it kinda had. In that he’d expected it to be difficult. And it was. He’d expected Eric and Gwen to act like EJ was their possession now. And they had. He’d expected that EJ wouldn’t like to hear what he’d spent hours trying to figure out how to say. She hadn’t. He’d even expected that he’d fumble to say things correctly and feel like she had heard. That had proved true too.
He managed to explain some of this to Ben, which scored him a whistle and a shaken head. “Dude, nobody likes to feel like they’re in the wrong. And from all I know of EJ and what I’ve seen over the years, she sure doesn’t appreciate being told she’s wrong. You went in too hard.”
