Her lips twisted. It seemed an oxymoron, because didn’t “trying” to be real indicate a lack of authenticity? Except she knew that for so long she’d lived in a space of pretence, so it really was hard work to be honest. And she knew she had to be honest tonight. Honest about everything. Including her feelings.
A little after four, they collected the baked goods and the barbecue meat and salads and drove to Highbury Farm. Liv and Liam were bringing the drinks, and her sisters and parents were setting things up. She’d been happy that cleaning up at the café gave an excuse to not set up, which meant she could put off the inevitable conversation with Jordan for a few hours. But only for a few hours. Because today was crunch time. D-Day. The time to be honest, once and for all.
A burst of hysteria trickled up and out, escaping in a giggle. How ridiculous to think that things were so strained between two best friends. It didn’t say much for their friendship if they couldn’t be real right now.
Her family parked in the paddock behind the shed, and she straightened her shoulders as she exited the vehicle. It’d be easy to collect all the bits after the party if they parked here. She then collected the cooler containing the meat and trudged to where the barbecue had been set up between the shed and the bonfire.
“I’ve got the meat,” she announced, placing the cooler down on the ground with a thud.
“Excellent,” Meg said. “Did you need a hand with anything else?”
She nodded. “There are a few more platters and things in the car.”
“Jordan can help you, can’t you, dear?”
Jordan’s gaze flicked to her, and then he nodded. “Sure.”
“Thanks,” she mumbled. While it was nice to have people wanting to play matchmaker, it was also embarrassing to be on show like this. People watching. This awkwardness still between them.
She silently strode to the car and handed him a platter, accidentally grazing his fingers. He jerked and nearly dropped the tray. “Careful.”
“Sorry.” He hurried away.
Weird. But maybe he’d felt that spark of electricity too. She could only hope.
The next hour passed in meat cooking, people laughing, eating, drinking, toasting marshmallows, congratulating Liv and Liam. She joined in as best she could, cheering, clapping, the cold temperatures meaning she’d needed to wear her alpaca-wool gloves. She wiped a hand down her jeans and tugged her scarf around her neck. Smiled at the thought of what others from a month ago would say if they saw her now. Not a brand name in sight. Unless you counted an old Rivers black puffer jacket, and that hardly counted.
She glanced across where the bonfire was lit, catching Jordan’s gaze. Holding it. Like they used to do as kids, to see who could break first and look away.
Except, this time as she stared at him, she really studied him. Could see the maturity in the angles of his face, the appealing scruff lining his cheeks, remembered the sweetness of his expression when he talked with old or young church members, giving them the wholehearted attention and interest she rarelyhad. The man was the male equivalent of Liv. He was good. Good-hearted, good-natured, and good-looking. Oh, she had to talk to him. Had to let him know she was sorry and that she cared. That she wanted her best friend back. But as more than a friend. She wanted him to know she loved him.
She blinked, then looked down at her scuffed boots. How could she tell him that? What if he rejected her?
She peeked back. His eyebrows rose. She matched them. His lips twitched. She smiled. He tilted his head. She nodded and rose.
“Where are you going? You’ll miss the fireworks,” Elinor murmured from beside her.
“I’m going to make up with Jordan.”
“Finally,” her sister muttered.
Yep. Finally.
She inched away from the crowd, glad for the darkness that made it easier to slip away. Then found Jordan on the other side of the shed.
“Hey, EJ.”
“Oh, Jordan!” She hugged him, but it didn’t feel the same, not with their matching puffer jackets getting in the way. Still, she clung on, not wanting to ever let go. This moment finally felt right. Felt good. Even if so much still remained to be said.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I never realised how much I took you for granted. I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”
He clutched her closer. “It’s okay.”
No, it wasn’t. She drew back, even as part of her wanted to snuggle in more. She had to make him understand. “I don’t know how I could be so dumb to believe that someone like Eric would fall for me.”
“No, don’t go there. That man was bad news from the start.”
“You never trusted him, did you?”
