The lump in my throat becomes harder to swallow and tears slide down my cheeks.I bury my head in my hands and West sets his guitar down and tilts his chin toward me.“Get over here.”
I get up out of my seat and walk toward him, expecting him to stand and put his arms around me, but he pulls me onto his lap, and I curl in against his warm chest.I don’t know if it’s the post-natal hormones, the stress of this fucked up situation with my ex, and the henchmen his enemies sent after me or the fact that I hardly slept a wink last night, but I break down completely.I cry so hard, I don’t know how to stop.West’s big hand rubs circles on my back and his lips press against my temple.
“Hold onto me, darlin’.”His voice is raspy and gruff as he slides his arms underneath my knees.I wrap my arms around his thick shoulders and press my head tighter to his chest.West stands, as if it’s no effort at all to lift me and takes me to his room, holding me in a fireman’s carry.
As soon as he lays me down on his bed, I curl into the softness and watch him remove his boots and shirt.He unclasps his belt buckle and slides the leather through the loops of his jeans.I realize I can’t sleep in my thick sweater, so I sit up and remove it along with my leggings.I might be tempting fate, but I don’t want to overheat.I’m wearing a cami and the least sexy pair of black period panties he’s likely ever seen.But this is reality, not a romance, and we’re not a happily married couple getting ready for bed.We’re not even dating.I don’t know what we are.
Am I taking advantage of his kindness?Maybe.But right now, I need to be selfish.I’m not sure I’ll survive if I don’t hold onto him, just for tonight.Without him, Waylon and I would have likely ended up on the evening news, another woman and child murdered at the hands of evil men.
West climbs into bed and doesn’t say a word as he turns out the light.A second later, he pulls me tight against him, his back to my front, as he nuzzles into my hair.I settle in deeper, and despite my bone-deep exhaustion, I still don’t sleep.I’m in love with my best friend, and I don’t know what the hell to do about it.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Daisy-Mae
Ipull the last loavesof banana bread from the oven and set them on the stove to cool.Every surface of Mama’s kitchen is covered in baked goods for the Buttermilk.Not having my porch pickup means I’m not making any money, so I have plans to travel to a few of the neighboring farming communities to see if their cafes and restaurants will stock what Zadie won’t.
If only I’d ignored Eddie’s demands and had put my grammy’s inheritance into that fancy pastry school in Dallas, instead of letting my lousy husband convince me that my dreams didn’t matter, maybe I’d have my own bakery by now.
Waylon had been sleeping soundly in his crib.I’d fed and changed him, and Lemon and Mamma had taken over watching him so I could continue baking until my feet hurt.
“He went down easy this time,” Mama says, as she enters the kitchen and eyes the treat-laden countertops.“Oh my.I think it’s time for a break.”
“Oh, I should probably keep going.Do as much as I can while he sleeps.”
Mama grabs two mugs from the wooden tree on the counter and fills them with coffee and cream.She adds an extra helping of sugar to one and hands it to me.“Girl, there aren’t enough people in Red River Canyon to eat all of this.Though my brood would certainly give it the old college try.”
I sigh and sip from my mug.“Maybe just for a minute.”
Mama leads me into the sunroom.Dappled light filters in through the large windows making the pale-yellow walls that much cheerier.The windows overlook the stable, and though I can’t see West or any of the other boys, it’s a lovely view.I never realized ranch life was so beautiful.I mean, I’m sure there’s plenty of grit and grime to get into, but it’s peaceful here in a way I’ve never felt.I could be happy here.
Idiot.This is not for you.You’re unwanted.You’re the girl people leave.You can’t have a family.That old devil rears her ugly head again and for once, I shoo the errant thoughts away and decide I do deserve love and happiness, and I have a family.Whatever happens with West or the rest of the Winchesters, I have my son, and I’ll never let him down the way my mama did with me.
I sip my coffee, my body still thrumming with the need to get up, to work, but I close my eyes and take a deep breath, inhaling all that beautiful country air.
“Ranch life suits you,” Mama says.
