“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”I shake my head.“Mama, nothing is going on with Daisy-Mae.She just had a kid.”
“And?Women with kids are somehow seen as less to you?”
“No.That’s not it at all.”
“Then what isit?”
“She’s vulnerable right now, and I don’t have time for relationships.You know that.I’m so busy organizing everyone else’s lives, I ain’t got time for one of my own.”
“You can’t put a boot in the oven and call it a biscuit, son,” Mama says.
I shake my head.“Did Daddy ever really know what you were talkin’ about?”
She chuckles.“God rest his soul, William Winchester knew me like no one else on earth.And I can assure you, he didn’t look at me any differently after I’d had a child ...or four.”
“That’s different.You were married.”
“West William Winchester, I am surprised at you.”
“What?”
“Are you honestly telling me you couldn’t love a child who didn’t share your DNA?”
I frown.“That’s not what I said.Hell, I already love that kid like my own, in spite of his father, or maybe it’s because I know Eddie’s never gonna be there for him.I don’t care that he’s someone else’s DNA.I’m still gonna teach him to ride, and rope cattle when he’s old enough.But Daisy and Waylon are a family, and I ain’t a part of that.You’re seeing things that ain’t there.”
“Maybe I’m just seeing what you can’t, because you’re walking round with your damn head up your ass.”
I wince at the mental image that produces.“Mama!What would the ladies at church say?”
“They’d say I’m right, and you’re a fool if you don’t think you’re family to Daisy-Mae and her baby.”
“I’m her best friend.Nothing more.”
“Exactly when did you go blind, West?Because I don’t think you’re seeing clearly, son.”
Is she right?Does Daisy feel like I do?Does it kill her to watch me leave the way it kills me to walk away?Or is this just wishful thinking on mama’s part ...on my part?
I shake my head and grip the steering wheel.“I got enough people needin’ me, Mama.I don’t need to add two more.”
“Maybe you ought to start needing someone, did you ever think of that?”
I shake my head and press my foot to the gas, trying to outrun this conversation before Mama gets any other clever ideas, but what she said stays with me long after I sit at her table to eat alongside my family.And as I drive away from the main ranch house, take the dirt road through the southern pasture, and then pull up in front of my darkened barndominium, I can’t help but imagine what my life would look like if there were someone to come home to.Someone who’d leave a light on for me.
Would she race out to greet me, a baby on her hip, another tearing by her ankles just to jump into my arms?
I sigh and climb out of my truck, but I don’t go inside.Instead, I stare up at the oil-black sky and the stars dotting out a roadmap to ...what?Fate?My destiny?Assuming I have one beyond working my fingers to the bone on a land that’s as unforgiving as it is plentiful.Or maybe they point to a woman, one who could put up with my shit, but who probably deserves better than to be stuck with a rough and bitter bastard like me.
This town, this ranch, is all I’ve ever known.My blood, sweat, and tears are mingled with the soil.I’ll die here on this land,alone, long after my mama has passed away and siblings have moved on.And I don’t need Daisy-Mae or any other woman having to take on this burden.Mama’s wrong.I don’t need no one, and Daisy sure as hell don’t need me.
