“Because, looking back on it, most of those men were active participants in the rings. They deserved to die,” he growled, his shoulders tensing.
“You are your own brand of hero, Collin,” I blurted out, tears welling in my eyes. All those women and children…they were avenged because of him.
Tattooed arms reached out, pulling me onto his lap. Both of us were bare, exposed to our most primal parts as our emotions swirled. His hands landed on my hips, his thumbs stroking the skin there. A loving gesture, one I never wanted to be without. Collin Stevens may be a demon, but he was once an angel, innocent in this world.
Those ice eyes held mine for a long time, processing my words. Then, he shocked me to the depths of my being.
“I am sorry about Jeremy,” he said softly.
I inhaled a shaky breath, my hands on his bare chest. Everything had been just fine—well, as fine as things could be in the middle of a shit-show—I didn’t want this subject to come up. It was selfish of me, really, and the guilt was eating at me.No matter how many times I tried to shove it down, it would resurface, its teeth bigger and sharper than last time.
I was in love with the man who stabbed my brother.
I was in love with the man who betrayed us.
I shouldn’t be in love with him. In fact, my hatred for him should be felt from miles away.
A lump formed in my throat as the memories of Jer lying in a hospital bed came back, the disbelief I had felt when Gwen told me it was Collin, even though I just spoke to him that night when I followed him to his car.
My Col? He hurt my brother.
“Karina.”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I, uh—”
His fingers slid under my chin, and as he leaned in closer, agony masked his features and guilt flashed in his eyes. “Hurting you will be one of my many regrets. I have told you this before. What I did to your brother is among those regrets, and I know my words don’t mean shit, but I needed to say it.”
“Why did you stab him?” I breathed, tears forming in my eyes.
Another jaw jump, and then he let out a ragged sigh. “Romano told me to…he said that if I didn’t, he would kill Gwen as soon as he got her on the dance floor.”
My hand flew to my mouth, cutting off the sob that tried to escape.
He looked pained as he rubbed his hands up and down my back, trying to soothe me. “I tried to angle the knife in a way that he wouldn’t die while Romano was watching from the dance floor.”
A strangled, muffed cry left my body.
He cupped my face, his thumbs stroking my cheeks. “I am so fucking sorry.”
I dropped my hand. “All this time?”
He nodded solemnly. “Gwen is a pain in my fucking ass, make no mistake about it…but she was innocent in all of this. From the beginning. Kevin hated dragging her into it. I didn’t like it, but I had orders to follow.”
“She hates you, Collin…She wants to kill you.”
“She can take a number. A lot of people want to kill me, your friends and family included,” he deadpanned.
I bit my lip, pondering whether I should bring it up.Fuck it.
“Haley told me you and Gwen got into it at that dinner.”
He huffed a laugh, sitting back against the pillows. His muscles flexed with the movement. He was a work of broken art, and all I wanted was to put him back together.
“When I saw her walk in with Tony, I saw everything I'd worked for slip away. When she launched that dagger into Romano’s chest, I saw the empire crumbling. I went to him immediately to stop the bleeding, of course. He and everyone else interpreted that as unwavering loyalty, but I never had any loyalty for him.”
I waited for him to continue, taking his hands in mine again. Even though this conversation was difficult, I liked that we were being open with each other. Only took nearly ten years.
“It was easier for me to slip into the role of the errand boy if I pretended I actually was one, if that makes sense. When I was in St. Louis a few months ago, I was there to check the finances at Busch Stadium. After Gabrial Tipponi was killed, Romano sent in a replacement. The idiot had been fucking everything up with the numbers and bets. We were losing money instead of bringing it in. I walked in on him fucking a waitress in one of the box seats. I killed them and brought his head to Romano. He found my thin patience amusing.” He smiled to himself. “Ray Romano had pissed me off to no end when he sent me to that god forsaken city, but if he hadn’t…I don’t think you would be in my bed right now,” he murmured.
