I snuggled into him more, unable to form the right words.
It’s been a long time since anyone has asked me that, Karina.
Had he ever gotten anything in his life that he truly wanted? What about when he was just a child living on the streets? My eyes welled with tears. He was all alone. Even when Cal Matthews found him, he was still all alone.
Until—
“What happened to Kevin?” I whispered. I didn’t think it would be physically possible for him to become still as stone, but he did. Every muscle in his body tensed underneath me, and Icould feel his icy stare. Suddenly, I was yanked away from him, his hand around my jaw.
“Don’t sit on my body, seek comfort from me, and then ask about another man,” he clipped as his eyes shined with jealousy. He stared at me, but I stared back. In the back of my mind, I knew he was just trying to scare me off, but I wasn’t going anywhere. He was a part of me now, and I, him, whether he wanted to accept it or not. Once his grip on me loosened a fraction, I seized my opportunity.
“You deserved better,” I murmured, tears brimming, threatening to spill over any second.
He flinched as if I had slapped him, and I cupped his face in my hands. “You deserved the happy family—”
“Don’t”
“—You needed a home. Happy holidays, memories. A normal childhood.”
“Stop.”
No. I shook my head. “I'm not going to stop, Col. I lo—” My hand slapped over my mouth, my eyes going wider than his.Did I really just—
He swallowed, his hands resting on my hips.
Clearing my throat, I moved on. “I only brought up Kevin because in college, it seemed like he genuinely cared about you,” I explained softly.
He looked out the window, down to the acres of farmland. “He's alive,” he said gruffly, shifting us in his seat. He wasuncomfortable.But I couldn’t ignore the small flicker of hope in my chest.
So that room Haley was in was actually meant for Kevin.
The plane went through a jolt of turbulence, sending me into the air slightly. His attention snapped back to me as the hands on my hips brought me back down to him. My breath hitched.He was still avoiding eye contact with me when he said, “You should get to your seat and put your seatbelt on.”
Wordlessly, I removed myself from him, my cheeks heating from embarrassment as I made my way to my seat.
I buckled my seat belt and angled my body away from him, focusing on the view out my window. My fingers pinched the bridge of my nose, squeezing as I prayed for the universe to strike me down.
I was such an idiot.
Jesus.I just broke his walls down—he let me in, and of course I had to almost pour my heart out to him. He wasn’t ready for that. He didn’t know how to accept love, and I—I couldn’t be the one to force it on him. Not after everything. Shaking it off and pulling the blanket up to my chin, I tried to convince myself that my slip up was just me coming down from the events of the day.
The man killed—no, slaughtered—each one of my rapists for me. He didn’t have to do that, but I knew that part of the reason behind his action was for him too. He needed to kill them because they hurt me, his bloodlust evident in his eyes since our first night together in Boston.
Before I had shared my truth with him, he possessed an air of calmness around him, but since? He seemed on edge. Of course, no one else noticed, but I did. I always did, like a moth to a flame I was drawn to him, a borderline obsession that started out as infatuation years ago. We knew this.
I sighed, hating myself for letting my thoughts run rapidly as he sat across from me, seemingly put together. Envy scattered across my skin, hating how he could just shut it down.
Like Gwen.
Like Dean.
Like Uncle Sullie.
Like Dom.
Here I was, a fucking emotional mess, weak for not being able to shove them down. My therapist from a few years ago once told me that if I learned to embrace my emotions instead of running from them, I would be better off.
Fuck that woman.I wasn’t better off—I was bat shit crazy. My bottom lip began to tremble.
