I laugh quietly to myself.
NumberEleven: definitely not.
LittleTooMuch: Fair.
LittleTooMuch: You ever feel like everyone else got a manual for how to be normal and you missed the download?
My throat tightens.
That hits too close.
NumberEleven: yeah. i fake it. some days it’s convincing.
A pause.
LittleTooMuch: I think you’d be convincing even on bad days.
My chest does a stupid little thing.
I type the safer answer.
NumberEleven: bold assumption. i’m extremely annoying.
LittleTooMuch: Good. I like annoying.
LittleTooMuch: Annoying people are honest.
I swallow.
NumberEleven: i’m honest when it’s 2 a.m. and no one can fact check me.
LittleTooMuch: So always.
NumberEleven: rude.
LittleTooMuch: Accurate.
I grin.
Then:
LittleTooMuch: Can I ask you something without it being weird?
My pulse kicks.
NumberEleven: depends. are you about to ask my social security number?
LittleTooMuch: No.
LittleTooMuch: … Maybe.
NumberEleven: definitely weird.
LittleTooMuch: Ok, ok. Real question.
LittleTooMuch: Do you ever feel like you’re living for everyone else? Like…their expectations. Their opinions. Their idea of who you should be.
My fingers go still.
