She steps back slightly and frowns. “I can’t tell if you’re telling the truth or not.”
“I thought you could always tell.”
“I thought I could always tell as well, but maybe I’m losing my touch.”
“I don’t think you are.”
I grab her around the waist and pull her into me. She looks around quickly.
“Who’s here?”
“What do you mean, who is here?”
“I just assumed that?—”
“You just assumed what?” I say as my hand slides down the curve of her waist and then her hip to her ass.
I squeeze gently, and she moans as she presses herself against me.
“I just assumed that this sort of touch was reserved for when people were around.”
“Maybe we should make sure that we do it all the time because wedon’t know when people will be around. Someone could be spying on us right now,” I say, grinning at her.
“You don’t really believe that, do you?” She looks around quickly. “Rex is not that crazy, is he?”
“I don’t know. I was speaking to Cal earlier, and he said that Rex has had a lot of anxious, frustrated-sounding phone calls. I don’t know what he might do, knowing that he lost you to me.”
“He didn’t lose me,” she says sharply. “He never had me, and I’m not yours. Remember?”
“I know, but he doesn’t know that. Men always want what they can’t have. He probably assumed you still wanted him,” I say quickly, though my heart is pounding.
I want her to be mine, and I want her to want to be mine. Fuck. I’m still in love with Mia. I’ve always been deeply, endlessly in love with Mia, and this has all been a mistake.
I should not have come back to Coconut Beach for this wedding. I should not have been in a fake relationship with her, and I should not have agreed to share a hotel room with her. All the feelings that I’ve held down for so long are rising in me like lava in a volcano that’s about to erupt. I feel hot, and I feel anxious, and I feel the way I felt when I was eighteen and she told me she was going to prom with William Setta, a guy from the tennis team who, frankly, was a nice guy, but he wasn’t me. And if he hadn’t asked her, she would’ve gone with me because we were going to go as friends.
I can still remember seeing her in her pink gown, twirling so happy as she laughed. Then he gave her a corsage, and she thanked him by giving him a kiss on the cheek, and his eyes lit up because he thought she would fuck him that night. But there was no way I was going to let that happen, even if I was just the third wheel on their last-minute date.
It stung. It stung then to know she would never be mine, and it stings now because my feelings are deeper and more invested than they have ever been. When I finally get off the island again, I will have to stay away for a much longer time. I’ll have to stay away until she finds someone she loves, until she finds someone she wants to give her life to. I just hope I can survive through the pain that will awaken in me.
“Hey, Luke,” she says, touching my face softly. “Shall we go and check by the pier? What are we looking for?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I guess another postcard, but it would getwet. I think we’ll know it when we see it,” I say softly, grabbing her hand and squeezing. “Don’t you?”
“I guess so,” she says, nodding slowly, her expression changing as she gazes over at me.
I’m really glad she can’t actually read my mind. I’m really glad that she doesn’t know I love her, that this is beginning to feel real to me. I’m really glad that she doesn’t know this fake summer romance is burning me up inside because I don’t want it to be fake.
We walk down toward the pier, and we both stop as we notice a bunch of surfers in the water.
“Wow, they’re good,” she says, admiring them, and I wonder if she’s talking about their skill at surfing or if she’s admiring their bodies or how she wants to be with them.
“You really love surfers, don’t you?”
“They’re okay,” she says, looking at me. “They’re not the be-all and end-all of my world.”
“Why don’t you know how to surf, Mia? I’ve always wondered that.”
“I’m scared of sharks. I’m definitely not going that far out in the water. The sharks abound.”
