I can’t believe I’m back in Coconut Beach, and everything is so familiar and yet so very different. Everything about this trip is making me question who I am and where I’m going. Not for the first time do I wonder if it was a good decision to play the part of Mia’s boyfriend because what I’m beginning to realize is that my best friend, Mia, the girl who captured my heart when I was just a teenager, blossomed into an even more gregarious and beautiful woman, and the teenage crush that I once had has not only remained, but it has grown, and I want her badly.
I want to know every inch of her inside and out.
I know I can’t have her though.
She is the best friend I’ve ever had, and I can’t risk that, and I have a feeling that is why Mia didn’t want to discuss the night before either. She was clearly into it, but I’m reminded of what she said when we were teenagers and going to have our first kiss together.
“If we get too physical or too intimate, it will make things complicated, and when relationships become complicated, they’re far easier to break. And I don’t want to lose you, Lukey. You’re the best friend a girl could ever have, and a kiss is not worth losing that.”
Her words reverberate in my brain, and I feel the sting of them just as much as I did back then. If a kiss could ruin our easy friendship, then sex could break us.
I’m not going to push the issue, even though my cock is aching with need. I can ignore my cock, though I am not sure what I can do about my heart. Mia let me know in no uncertain terms that we are never going to be anything more than friends, and I am going to respect that because the truth of the matter is, I can’t lose her from my life.
She is the only constant that makes me feel like I am good enoughand smart enough and funny enough, and I know she does it because that’s just the way she feels and not because of the way I look, or the money I have, or the power I have at my company, and that is worth a lot more than some hot sex.
chapter twelve
Mia
The Coconut Beach Boys, a local band that sings Beach Boys songs, performs in the lobby as Luke and I make our way back to the hotel room after breakfast. We stand there for a few moments, watching the older gentlemen rock their hearts out in their bright Hawaiian shirts and shorts.
We’re standing next to a couple of kids, who are obviously on holiday, as they chow down on watermelon spears. Luke and I exchange a glance as the young boy drops his spear on the ground, quickly picks it up, and stuffs it back into his mouth. Luke grins at me, and we share an unspoken memory of when he was twelve and stuffed his face with so much watermelon one summer that I had to give him an ultimatum—share it with me or I’d not share my cookies.
“Shall we head up?” he asks after a few minutes when the band finishes “Good Vibrations.” He drops a twenty-dollar bill into a top hat sitting atop a small table in front of them.
“Sure.”
We make our way to the elevator and wait for it to arrive. A group of tourists in sun visors andLife’s a BeachT-shirts walks past us, and I lean forward to whisper in his ear.
“Juniper designed those shirts,” I say proudly as I nod toward them. “Aren’t they cute?”
“Real cute.” He watches the tourists as they walk past and turns back to me with a smile. “She’s always been so artistic.”
“Yes, she designs most of the postcards that we sell as well.”
“Outstanding. Today went okay, don’t you think?” His familiar blueeyes gaze into mine, questioning me in such an earnest way that I smile at him as I nod my confirmation.
I’m trying to ignore the way my heart is racing and the fact that my body is more aware of him than it has ever been in my life. I’m noticing things about him I’ve never noticed before, like the way his bushy eyebrows are silky but could do with a slight waxing, or the way his blue eyes are so deep and vibrant, or the way his lips are just that perfect touch of pink, and his hands—they’re elegant, slender, and soft. I tremble, just thinking about them on my body. What they did to me the evening before still has me trembling. I felt like I was floating in the air in a state of perpetual bliss, and I very much wanted to feel the ground beneath my feet again. This is a new level in our relationship, and my overanalytical brain isn’t sure what it meant. I loved feeling so happy, but I wanted to know what it all meant.
“Earth to Mia. What did you think?”
“Oh, yeah, it went really well, I think. Rex was giving us odd looks, but thank God for Andi and her being so touchy-feely with him.”
“She definitely wanted his full attention.”
“Well, it was the official breakfast to start off the two-week festivities.”
“I cannot believe that my brother is having two weeks’ worth of festivities for his wedding. Like, we’re not the royal family, and we’re not—” Luke groans as his expression tightens. “I still can’t believe he never told me he was seriously dating someone.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” I say, touching his arm, enjoying the ripple of his muscles beneath my fingers. “We can both still work if we really have to, and we’ll just take part as best as we can. Plus, we get to stay in that really gorgeous hotel room.” Hopefully he wouldn’t have to work too much though. We hadn’t spent much time with each other in ages.
I bite down on my lower lip. Why? Why did I bring up the hotel room? Will he think all I want to do is spend nights in bed with him, practicing and exploring? Why didn’t I think before I spoke?
“How did you sleep last night?” he says as we step into the elevator.
My heart flips at his comment, and I feel my face flush as I press the button for our floor. I look up at him through lowered eyelashes. I really hope he will not ask about what went on again. I don’t want to discuss it—not because it wasn’t amazing and not because I am upset, but really more because I am confused about how to process everything. I am confused about what we did. Not because it didn’t feelamazing, but more so because I found his touches to be achingly sexy and sweet. And I’d never expected to experience passion and lust for Luke. He is Luke. My Lukey. My best friend forever. He was the first boy to see me cry. The first boy to hold my hand. The first boy to tell me I was pretty. He was the boy I spent nights on the phone with, talking about other boys.
And now … now I’ve done things with him that made me blush.
