Her expression changes slightly, but she just keeps nodding.
“I don’t want to lose my job. I’ve been working for a really long time to make this happen. This is a big deal.”
I continue driving and then make a swift U-turn.
“Okay. I’m going to go to the airport. You can stay in the hotel room. We’ve got it for … I don’t even know how many more days. I’ll give you my credit card information. You can stay there until I come back, and then we’ll talk, and we’ll figure out how we’re going to make this work and where we’ll live and if we’re based in different places, how often we’ll see each other.” I can hear my voice escalating. Something doesn’t feel right. I’m panicking.
She doesn’t say anything.
“I have to leave. I cannot lose this deal. And I will figure out how to take care of the family business as well. Once I figure this deal out in New York, I’ll ask for a sabbatical because I have to help my parents. I have to help our business. And then you and I will talk.”
As I drive, I feel like my voice is escalating, and I’m panicking. My heart is racing, and something doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel right. My body is shaking and tense, and Mia is shying away from me. Her body language is off. The laugh is gone from her mouth. She’s no longer smiling, and she’s avoiding eye contact.
We drive past a McDonald’s, and I see two kids standing outside. The little girl is giving the boy French fries.
And I smile, thinking about when we were kids—how Mia would always share her burgers and fries with me.
And that’s when it hits me.
That’s when everything hits me.
I pull over suddenly and stop the car.
“Fuck,” I say, turning off the ignition and staring at her.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” she asks, concern in her eyes.
I can see the tears, and I feel like a damn fool.
“I nearly did it, didn’t I?”
“What?” she says.
“I nearly ruined it already.”
“I don’t know what you’re saying.”
Her lower lip trembles, and I run my fingers through my hair.
“I’m a fool. I’m not going to New York,” I say suddenly.
“What? No, you have to. You’ll lose your job.”
“And we have literally spent a billion hours talking about the fact that you wanted me to put you first, and you were worried my job would take over, and I told you it was okay. I told you I understood.
“No. We are just figuring us out. I’m not going to rush off to New York and leave you here to pick up the pieces of everything I’d be leaving behind. You don’t deserve that, and I don’t want that.”
“But the job—you’ll?—”
“I don’t care about the job,” I say, laughing suddenly, realizing it’s true. “In every single lifetime, I would choose you over a billion dollars.”
“A billion dollars?” Her jaw drops.
I smile as I reach out and touch the side of her face. “You are everything to me. You are worth every shiny silver dollar, every piece of gold bullion, every hundred-dollar note, every private island. You are my heart, Mia. I was a fool to even think about going to the airport and leaving you.”
“What made you change your mind? You were dead set. You were going to go.”
“Those two kids.”
