“I love you, Mia.”
“What?” My heart stills, but I laugh because I’m not sure I heard him correctly. He doesn’t mean he loves me, for real, does he?
“I love you. For real, for real,” he says, gazing at me with such an intense expression that I know he’s not lying. “I love you more than the stars in the sky.”
“We don’t know how many stars there are in the sky.”
“Exactly,” he says and smiles. “And I love that you are fearless, and I love that you’re emotional, and I love that we just get each other. And even when we fight and we argue, we’re still able to come back to each other. And you’re making me really nervous right now,” he adds, suddenly unsure of himself.
“What do you mean?”
“You haven’t said anything back to me.”
I stare at him and touch the side of his face. “You want me to tell you how I feel?”
“I kind of do,” he says.
I lean in and give him a big kiss, and then I step back.
“I kind of think I love you too, Luke.”
The words seem lame compared to his declaration, but there’s something in me that’s holding back.
“Oh, youthinkyou love me?” he says, looking extremely disappointed.
“I am just scared. I don’t know that we’re compatible to be in a relationship together.” I bite down on my lower lip. “I think you’re great. You’re my best friend, and I love making love to you. But your number one love in life is your job and proving yourself, and you are doing amazing at that. And I don’t want to hold you back from that, but I don’t want to be sitting in the wings, waiting for you to get to where you want to get in your career.
“I want to be the number one. I want to be the first choice. I want to be the person who means more than anything else. And knowing you as I know you, your career and that upward trajectory have always been the most important thing. But it hasn’t been me ever.
“Remember when we were in high school and I asked you to stay? You left. You left because you needed to prove yourself to Rex. And I don’t think you’ve finished proving yourself yet. There’s still that tension between you two, and I don’t want to be the person who stops you from achieving those dreams and goals.”
“You’re not though, Mia?—”
“I’m just saying that, sometimes, love isn’t enough. And you’re the best friend a girl could ever have, and I don’t want to lose that. And we’re arguing all the time, and we’re not agreeing on things. And you’re not seeing my side, and I’m not seeing your side. And we’ve never had that before. And I think if we continue to go down this road, there’s a genuine possibility that our friendship could end. I don’t want our friendship to end. I don’t want us to end.”
“I know. Neither do I.”
“And that’s why I don’t think we should continue.”
“So, what are you saying? You want to end this fake relationship?”
“No. What I’m saying is, I want to keep this fake relationship for the summer, and then we go our own way. I don’t think we should make it real—even though we love each other. I’d much rather have you as my best friend for the rest of my life than my boyfriend for a year and then we break up and never talk again. I couldn’t live without being able to call you at any time of the day.”
“But you don’t mind being the crazy best friend?”
“I’ve never minded being the crazy best friend. You know that.”
“What can I do to convince you this is more than friendship, Mia?”
“I just don’t think that we’re compatible, Luke.” I step on my tiptoes and kiss him. “Doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Doesn’t mean I don’t crave you. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to feel you inside of me.”
He groans against my lips. “You can’t say things like that and tell me you don’t want to be with me, Mia.”
“I’m just being honest with you, Luke. I think that’s what we’ve always had, and that’s what we need to keep. We need to be honest. And the fact is, I want to take you up to the hotel room right now and sit on your face and have you make me come.”
“Fuck,” he says, reaching behind and squeezing my ass.
He pushes me up against the wall, and I groan as he runs his fingers down the side of my dress. He shifts next to me, and I feel him pressed up against me. He kisses the side of my neck and then sucks on my lower lip. I feel his hand on my breast, squeezing.
