I want to tell her I love her. I want to tell her I adore her, that I never want to let her go, but I can’t tell her that. I don’t want to make too much of this. I don’t want to scare her. I need her to always know that whatever we have, whatever she wants, will always remain the same.
I reach over and pull her into my arms, and she rests her head against my chest. I kiss her forehead, and she closes her eyes as she runs her fingers down the side of my body. This is the feeling that makes a life worth living. This is the cocoon I would chose for myself every lifetime over.
“I missed you so much, Mia.” I whisper the words to the universe, hoping the intensity and depth of my comment can be felt in her heart.
“I missed you too,” she says, whispering against my skin.
“You did?” My heart skips a beat I know it shouldn’t skip. Since when did I become such a sap?
“Yeah,” she says, looking up at me. “I had a really hard time falling asleep.”
“Well, I guess you needed time to think, huh?”
“I guess.” She giggles. “I didn’t think we’d be apart for two nights and then we’d be having sex.”
I want to correct her. I want to saymaking love, but I can’t. I chuckle slightly and play with her hair.
“I hope you’re ready for session number two in a little bit.”
“I am,” she says, but she suddenly looks around. “We’re still on the beach, and anyone could come and find us. And, well, I think that sex on the beach is still against the local laws and ordinances, so maybe we should make our way back.”
“You’re going to come back to the hotel with me?” I ask hopefully.
She nods. “Yeah, I think I will.” She grins as she touches the side of my face. “That was amazing, by the way.”
“I think so as well.”
“So, does this mean we’re officially friends with benefits?” she asks me.
All I can do is laugh because the truth of the matter is, I want us to be so much more than that.
chapter twenty-two
Mia
The sound of birds singing outside the window wakes me up, and my eyes fly open with a smile on my face. My body feels warm and satiated, and I roll over to look at Luke and whisper good morning to him. I frown slightly when I see his side of the bed is empty, and I wonder if he’s in the bathroom.
I lie on my back and just stare at the ceiling, smiling. We finally slept together, and it was amazing. He was the best lover I ever could have hoped for, and it felt special. The way he looked at me felt special. The way he made me feel felt special, and I was going to tell him that. I was going to tell him that it was the best thing that had ever happened to me and that, as upset as I had been at receiving Rex’s invitation, I was glad that I had. I was glad that he’d written that horrible note because if he hadn’t, then this wouldn’t have happened between Luke and me, and what had happened was special. I could feel it in my bones. I could see it in his eyes that he felt the same way.
“Are you coming, Luke?” I say, laughing. “Did you drown in there or something?”
I wait for him to respond, but I realize the room is silent—almost deathly silent. I frown slightly as I roll out of bed. I grab the sheet and huddle toward the bathroom. The door’s wide open. There’s no one in there.
Luke’s not in there.
For a moment, I think maybe he’s gone to get me breakfast, but then I spy the note card on the table with my name on it. I grab it and pick it up, frowning.
Hey, Mia. Don’t wait for me for breakfast. Had to do some work, but I’ll see you later.
“What the fuck?” I throw the note card down on the table and go and sit on the edge of the bed.
I’m emotional, and I’m upset, and I feel like I want to cry.
This is not how you want to spend the moment after first sleeping with your best friend. I expected him to hold me, to cuddle me, to possibly make love to me again in the morning, tell me he couldn’t wait for me to wake up—but he already went to work.
I hate the feeling of abandonment that I feel, but I have to be honest with myself. I’m disappointed. He still chose work first after I gave myself to him. I thought I’d been clear that I wanted to be his number one, that I wanted him to choose me, and he still didn’t. Hadn’t. Was it too much to ask?
Now I’m confused. Was any of it real? Was it just physical? Was it really just sex?
