“Oh.” That one word made my heart pound. His expression made me want to throw up. I couldn’t read his eyes, but I could sense that he, like me, wanted to say so much more than we were saying. How had we gotten here? How were we not able to communicate properly with each other.
“I think that makes sense.” I don’t really think it makes sense, but I don’t know what else to say.
“But don’t you think that we?—”
“I don’t think that we should do anything right now, Luke. You just enjoy your time in the hotel room. I’m going to spend the afternoon and evening alone.”
“I’m sorry, Mia.”
“You have nothing to apologize for, Luke. This is not on you.”
It’s on both of us. We have equal parts in fucking this up.
chapter twenty-one
Luke
It’s been two nights since Mia left the hotel room, and she hasn’t been back since. I don’t really care what anyone else thinks or has to say about the fact that she hasn’t spent the night. I’ve been easily able to explain that she’s just been busy working, and I’ve been busy working as well—because I have been. But the fact of the matter is, I miss her like crazy.
I haven’t even been able to sleep without her. I feel restless and pissed off and angry and guilty. I realize I’ve been so consumed by Rex and our relationship that it has dictated so much of my life, and I am a fucking idiot for bringing him up right when beautiful, sweet Mia was rocking back and forth on me. I can still feel my cock between her legs, so wet and eager. I was about to pick her up by her hips and bring her down on top of me when I fucked up, and I still can’t believe that I did it.
I look over at the clock, and it’s eleven at night, and I’m missing her. She hasn’t returned any of my text messages, and it’s driving me crazy. I decide to call her, hoping that she’ll pick up. It rings out and goes to voicemail, but I call her again. I’m nothing if not insistent.
“Yes, Luke,” she says, answering.
I’m hurt by her tone, but happy to finally hear her voice again.
“Finally. I can’t sleep without you,” I say honestly, not even caring if she knows.
“Take a sleepingpill or something.”
Cold.
“Are you going to come back to the hotel room?”
“Why? Are you scared Rex is going to think we’re no longer in a relationship?”
“I don’t give a fuck about Rex, Mia. I just—I’m sorry, okay? I fucked up.”
“It’s fine. I’ve been working, and I just needed space.”
“I don’t know what to say, Mia. We talk every day, and you haven’t been speaking to me. I speak more to you when I’m in New York, and I’m here now, and I want to see you. I want to spend time with you before I go back.”
“Well, just pretend you’ve already gone back. We both know it’ll probably be another five years until I see you again anyway.” She sounds bitter, and I sigh.
“I know. We should have been better about trying to see each other. The time went by so quickly, and we would FaceTime. We chat all the time.”
“It’s not the same as hanging out in person though.”
“I know it’s not the same, but I didn’t realize just how much I’d missed you.” Which is a bit of a lie. I realized; I just didn’t want to open myself up to heartbreak and emotional turmoil, but I am not going to tell her that.
I am not going to tell her that I’ve loved her since we were teenagers because the fact of the matter is, I don’t think Mia feels that way about me. I think I’m just some fun for her, and while I’m enjoying every moment, I don’t want to scare her away with the intensity or the realness of my feelings. Because I am very much in love with her, and I don’t want to let her go.
“What are you doing?” I ask her softly.
“If this is you asking me if I’m masturbating while talking to you on the phone, that’s a no, Luke. No.”
“Have I ever asked you about that before, Mia?”
