Luke
Istudy Talia’s text message in contemplation. I don’t really know why she texted me the evening before, but I know Mia physically and emotionally reacted to the text message. A part of me hoped it meant that Mia was developing feelings for me that were more than just that of a friend, but then the other part of me was worried she was just upset because she felt I was holding things back from her. I still had no clue what Talia was up to or if she were hoping to cause drama between Mia and myself. I can still remember the comments she’d made that night, calling Mia naive and gullible. It had been one of the reasons I’d been turned off from making out with Talia. No one talked about my best friend like shit. Especially when I so desperately wanted the friendship to be more than innocent.
Mia and are walking along the line of friendship and something resembling love, and I know I am falling for her in a way that can’t be undone, but I also know I am so scared of losing her friendship—that it would kill me inside to express feelings for her, have them not be returned, and then be rejected. I know our friendship couldn’t handle that. And yet, I don’t know how much longer I can hold back. I think a part of the reason I’d been gone from Coconut Beach for so long was because I’d known that as soon as I was in close contact with her along, it would be like detonating a bomb. I wouldn’t be able to resist her. The way she smiled at me, the way she played with her hair, the way she giggled and teased me, the easy way she came in for hugs, the way her nostrils flared when she was mad, the way her feet tapped when she was bored, the secret half-smiles she gave me when she wanted to saysomething rude but had decided to be polite. Mia had always been the only woman that had seen every side of me and I wasn’t even sure she knew that. She was so open, so trusting, so giving, and she was my one, whether or not she felt the same way.
Mia held a lock on my heart that no key could open.
But she didn’t even know.
Now everything was starting to unravel because I was no longer able to keep my feelings to myself.
But I’d known as soon as I’d stepped off of that plane and back onto Coconut Beach that I was finally home and ready to claim the woman who made everything feel better in my life. I just hadn’t expected that she’s be so open to exploration.
“What are you looking at?” Mia says as she walks into the hotel room with a bag of fruit in her hand. There’s a quizzical look in her eyes like she wants to ask me something else. Like she knows I’ve been holding back from her. I wait for her to ask me to declare my true feelings and intentions.
I want her to ask.
I need her to ask.
“Oh, just a message from work,” I say quickly as I put my phone away. “Nearly ready for breakfast?” I ask her. I’m not going to force something that she’s not ready for.
“Yeah. I just went down to the market to get some fruit as I was craving clementines and I needed to help Juniper open up this morning,” she says, avoiding eye contact with me. “I also got my camera so I can take photographs of the breakfast. Andi asked me if I would mind being the unofficial photographer.” Her lips twist up in irony.
“I hope they’re going to pay you,” I say. Though I know Mia. She hates charging friends and family for anything and I bet she don’t even bring it up.
She looks at me with a smile. “I didn’t ask for payment, Luke.” I gloat inside.I know my Mia so well.
“Well, you should. I don’t want them taking advantage of you.”
“It’s fine. I’m always taking photos. I love taking photos, and I don’t mind doing it.”
“I know you don’t mind doing it, but …” I pause as she gives me a look. “You know what? I’m sure they’ll be very grateful.”
“Yeah, I hope so.”
There’s an awkwardness between us I haven’t ever felt, and I wonder if this is it for us. I wonder if playing fake boyfriend and girlfriend for just a matter of days already caused a rift in our friendship that will never heal.
“That text message and your reaction last night scares me, Mia.” I wish I had the words to explain to her that I had a breadth of feelings for her that made it difficult for me to breath sometimes. I wish I could grab her hand and have her close her eyes and reach into my soul. There’s a storm raging inside of me, and my heart is in the eye of it, scared, vulnerable and weary.
“Yeah?” She raises her eyebrows to look at me, and I watch as she twirls her fingers in her hair—a telltale sign that she’s anxious or nervous about something.
“I just want you to know that I really don’t know why Talia sent me that text message.”
She shrugs nonchalantly. “Doesn’t matter. I’m sure she sent it to you because she wants to get with you, and I think it’s extremely disrespectful, seeing that she thinks we’re in a relationship, but she can do whatever she wants to do if she thinks that’s okay. That’s her problem.”
“Yeah. Well, I just want you to know it’s not something I led her to believe was in the cards.”
She stares at me for a couple of seconds and nods slowly. “You’ve dated in New York though, right?”
“Yeah. Nothing serious. I didn’t care about those women, and I don’t care about Talia.”
“Talia’s a bitch, and you can do much better than her, but if that’s the sort of woman you want to go for, then you go ahead.” She shrugs and I wonder if she really doesn’t care. I wonder if this has been nothing but a bit of fun for her.
“Really, Mia?” I stare at her. “That’s where we’re going to leave this?”
“What?”
We stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. No smiles. No eyebrow waggles. No teasing smirks. Just searching eyes gazing at each other in contemplation. I wish I could really read her mind. I wish I knew what she was thinking. I wish that I knew the answers. But the silence between us was like an impenetrable wall that neither of us could scale.
