I do as he says, and then Willow pierces me. And just like that, it’s done. Another item checked off.
She puts the bar through and tightens the ball on top. “I’ll go over all the instructions with you before you leave. Bottom line, keep it clean. You can check it out while I draw up your tattoo, so you can tell me what you think. Anything in particular you want on it?”
I think for a second. The old me would’ve said a cross to symbolize Stephen being in heaven, but the new me hesitates. Ethan must sense it because he moves closer to me and says, “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I thought about a cross of some sort, but…”
“Angel,” he says, pulling a chair over to me and sitting down so we’re eye level. “Do you believe in God?”
I notice Willow leaves the room, giving Ethan and me a moment alone.
“Yes.” I might not be on speaking terms with him at the moment, but I still believe he exists. And I believe, despite Stephen making some poor choices, he’s in heaven looking down on me.
“Aside from your brother dying, what made you push your beliefs away?”
“My mom lied to me… to our family. She pushed God and the church on us our entire lives, but the whole time she was lying about who she was and the choices she made.”
“So, your issue is with your mom, not God,” Ethan points out.
“In my life, God and my mom are one and the same.”
“Only if you allow them to be. Tell me something, before your brother died, did you enjoy teaching? Going to church?”
I think about it for a minute. Aside from it feeling like my mom was suffocating me, I did enjoy teaching. I loved my students, and I loved running the youth group. “Yes.”
“Then why would you give your mom the power to take what you love away?”
“Before my brother died, he told me to live hard and love harder. Not to let Mom navigate my life. To live for myself.”
“And who says you can’t do that and still practice your faith?” He reaches around and pulls my list from my back pocket, opening it up. “There’s nothing on this list you would go to hell for, Nevaeh. You don’t have to choose: live for yourself or live for God. You can do both. You just have to find a balance.”
“For a man who doesn’t believe in God, you sure are supporting him,” I joke.
“I’m not supporting him, I’m supporting you.”
“What are we doing?” I ask Ethan. It’s the same question I asked him last night, but didn’t get an answer to. Not even a couple weeks ago, I was crushing on him, then I was fearing him, and now… now I’m pretty sure I’m falling for him.
“I’m not sure,” he says, his voice serious. “When I lost my daughter, I also lost my faith. I went through the last twelve years, just going through the motions… until you attacked me in my club. Now you have me questioning everything.”
He rubs his thumb across my bottom lip. “Before I found you at Logan’s, I couldn’t get you off my mind.”
He pushes a fallen strand of hair behind my ear. “Your touch.” He runs the backs of his knuckles down my cheek. “Your taste.” He leans over and kisses my lips. It’s soft and gentle and has me cravingmore.
The entire time I was with Gerald I never felt the way I do when I’m around Ethan. My body heats up, and a knot forms in my lower stomach. My lady parts actually throb in anticipation when he’s near. It was so easy to remain true to my beliefs before Ethan because I didn’t feel this kind of pull toward Gerald. But with Ethan, it’s as if he’s one half of a magnet and I’m being pulled in his direction.
“I told myself you were too good for someone like me. I have no business luring you into my fucked up world.”
“Ethan,” I breathe, not liking where this is going.
“I was just supposed to make sure you were safe.” He chuckles humorlessly. “Not keep you.”
“What if I want to be kept?” I ask, my voice clogged with emotion.
“You’re only saying that because I saved you.”
“No.” I shake my head vehemently. “That’s not true. Something is happening between us, and even once I’m safe, I’m still going to want you… unless you don’t…” I trail off, not wanting to voice the words.Unless you don’t want me.
“Are you fucking crazy?” he growls. “I want you every second of every day. It’s why I stayed away from you this last week. Because as soon as I’m around you, I’m afraid I won’t be able to control myself.”
