I open my mouth to say it, but nothing comes out.
This is a bad idea, but there’s nothing I want more than to kiss him. I close my mouth and bring my eyes up to meet his. He doesn’t look any surer than I feel, but there’s a buzzing between us. Something that I can’t ignore. I could pretend to put up a fight, but that’s all it would be—pretend. Because I’ve never not wanted to kiss Gabriel Abbott since I saw him on Gran’s porch when I was fifteen.
When he doesn’t move, I launch toward him, our mouths colliding. It’s electric. His tongue parts my lips, and I sink into him like I’ve done a hundred times before.
Suddenly, it’s like we’re kissing for the first time again in this very hallway. I wrap an arm around his neck, and he lifts me slightly off the floor before I hook my legs around his waist. When a small moan escapes my throat, he presses me back into the wall. It’s easily one of the best kisses I’ve ever had.
It feels like being swept away at sea. It’s intoxicating, but it also feels like drowning. Or like drinking saltwater.You’re so desperate for something to quench your thirst, but the more you drink, the thirstier you become. No matter how much I kiss him, I’m never satiated. The second we part, I always want more.
When I tangle my fingers in his hair, he goes completely still. I pull back from him, searching his face. His eyes are closed, and his brows are pinched.
He puts me back on my feet before letting out an aggravated exhale.
“Fuck!” His chest heaves as he tries to catch his breath.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I—” He takes a step back from me, putting a hand on his hip and running the other down his face. “We shouldn’t have done that.”
“What do you mean?”
He cannot be doing this again.
“We can’t do this! You’re you and I’m—” He turns his back to me. “This was a bad idea.”
My stomach sinks.
I didn’t think about it before kissing him. Bile rises in my throat. Swallowing, I run my thumb across my bottom lip, and stare at him for a few seconds.
When I can’t think of anything else to say, I mutter, “I’m gonna go.”
My eyes stay trained on him as I slowly back up before turning to dart across the room. He calls my name, but I’m not doing this.
Reaching JT at the bar, I say, “Can you take me home now? I’m not feeling so well.”
He searches my face. “Are you okay?”
Trying my damnedest to keep tears from falling, I nod.“I’m fine. I just want to go home.”
Grabbing my things off the barI add, “Now!”
He stands, and I follow him out to his truck. Once we’re on the road, the dam breaks and I start to cry.
Turning down the radio, JT asks, “Ash, really, are you okay?”
I shake my head.
“What happened?”
“Nothing. I—” What do I say? I let him mess with my head once again. “I don’t know why I let him do this to me.”
“Who? Gabe?”
I nod. “The sad thing is, after everything, I still want to believe he felt the same way. I want to believe that a part of him is miserable without me, too.”
“Ash, I know this won’t make things better, but he did. Hell, I think he still does. I don’t know why he does this shit, but it’s not because he doesn’t fucking love you.”
25
