He nods, but I can tell by the look on his face he’s not buying it.
I’m still stewing over Adam when Ash finally comes back. He’s the reason my best friend can’t check his demons, and he’s the reason the love of my life can’t trust anyone. Well—one of the reasons.
Fuck.
I knew it the moment she leaned into me. What was locked up tight is slowly slipping through the cracks, and I’ve spent the whole night trying to keep it at bay, knowing it will crush me if I don’t. She’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted, and the only thing I can’t have. The one thing that’s been just out of reach, and her in my arms feels like dangling a fucking carrot in my face.
The years of convincing myself I don’t still want her are useless because yes, the fuck I do. I can feel the mudslide happening, but it would seem I’m completely useless in stopping it. Sometimes it feels like there’s two different people trapped in my head. The one who can’t imagine living a life that she isn’t in, and the one who knows that’s not an option. These days, they don’t seem to be coexisting very well.
The nurse leads Nik and I to his room next.
“I need a minute with him if that’s okay,” Nik says, grabbing my hand.
I nod, and she slips into his room.
Leaning against the wall outside, the night soaks in. I’m sure the last person Ash wanted to call was me, but I couldn’t let her go through this alone, so I swooped in like I always have, and I’ll be damned if she didn’t fucking let me.
I’ve never stopped loving her, and I definitely never stopped wanting her. I just stopped letting myself have her. Right now, it’s hard to remember why that is. I’ve always been sure I made the right choice, but watching her break tonight and lean into me… I don’t know.
This was the least I could do for Ash. I might not be able to love her like she deserves, but I’ll never pass up an opportunity to ease her pain. Deep down, I’m still me despite everything. And she’s still Ash. That means more to me than I wish it did.
Nik peeks out and taps my shoulder. I follow her back into the room. My best friend lies in the bed, a monitor beeping above him and an IV running in his right arm. He still looks like shit but not quite as bad as earlier.
“What the fuck, man.” I squeeze his arm.
“Can I have a minute, baby?” he asks Nik.
She nods before shuffling out of the room.
“Listen, I’m so sorry.”
“I know. It’s all good. I’m just glad you’re okay.” I release him and sit in the chair by his bed.
“Nik told me Ash called you. Thank you for showing up like that. I—” He chokes on a sob. “I forgot she was there. The last thing I wanted was for her to see me… to have to?—”
“I know. I would do anything for her.” I pause before adding, “And you.”
He sighs, wiping away tears. “I gotta get some help.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“The doctor said they can set me up with a rehab. I can go straight there when I’m discharged.”
“That’s great, man.”
“Yeah.” He takes a deep breath. “Except it’s a shit ton of money I don’t have.”
I scoff. He would have it if he didn’t snort it all. But then I guess he wouldn’t need rehab then, would he?
The club brings in a small fortune, so I don’t hesitate to say, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll cover it.”
“Gabe, I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not. Honestly, at this point, I’m not even offering. I’m demanding. You have to go.”
He drops his chin to his chest. “Yeah. Alright.”
I stand. “Look, your sister’s knocked out in the waiting room. I’m gonna get her home. I’ll come back tomorrow.”
