I cross the gravel road that wraps around the lake before barreling toward my little slice of paradise. It’s mostly flat green grass, but there are a few trees surrounding the water and a long dock that we used to fish off of when I was a kid. A few feet from the water stands the most beautiful magnolia tree.
After kicking off my sandals, I flop down in the grass under it. The second my body hits the ground, I groan. God, I’ve missed this. Gran used to say the lake was magic. I don’t know if it’s fixing anything, but it’s definitely what I needed.
Staring up at the blooms floating across the bright bluesky, I inhale the smell of the water and lean up on my elbows to take it all in. The trees are probably a little taller, and I’m sure there are new fish in the lake, but it all seems the same from here. My heart sinks. This will be my last summer here. My conflicting emotions about Ravens Ridge don’t negate the fact that I have beautiful memories here, and I’m going to miss this place—I’m going to miss Gran.
I pull out a Jane Austen novel and lie back, using it to block the sun. When I was a teenager, I used to spend hours out here, reading and staring up at the clouds. The sounds of the water rippling in the background with the occasional plunk of a fish jumping is the perfect soundtrack for laying in the summer sun. It’s like everything else disappears, and it’s just me and Mr. Darcy—or in today’s case, Emma.
I can feel Gran out here. Like she’s all around me. Maybe she’s the wind that blows a stray curl across my face or the magnolia blossom that falls and lands on my forehead. I’ve been so caught up in the grief of her not being here, but what I wasn’t seeing is that she is.
Just as Harriet realizes her love for Mr. Knightley, a rumbling from behind me has my heart taking off. I sit up, turning to look at the road. My chest grows tight when I see him.
Gabe hops off his bike, taking off his helmet and shaking out his hair before placing it on the seat. The sun hits the blond strands, lighting him up to look almost ethereal. It’s cruel really. Then he slips off his leather cut, draping it next to the helmet. I’ve seen him do exactly that a dozen times, but this time it fills me with apprehension instead of anticipation.
Finally, he notices me and stops. For a second, we stare at each other. An invisible wave of pain and unspokenwords—and words Iwishhad been left unspoken—cascade between us. My scalp prickles under his gaze.
Just when I think he’s going to jump back on his bike, he waves and takes the first step toward me. His boots leave the grass pressed into the earth with each stride.
“Sorry. I didn’t even think about you coming out here. I’ll leave. It just didn’t feel right to not at least say hello,” he says.
“It’s okay. I believe I told you we’d share custody, though.” I offer him a smile. “Technically, this is my time.”
He lets out a half-laugh. “Yeah. Well, I’ve been using your shares for a while now.” Sitting beside me, he takes a deep breath. “How’s it going with the house?”
“Fine.” I shrug. “There’s a lot of stuff.”
I don’t know if it’s the magic of the lake or the exhaustion of the last few months finally kicking in, but I don’t have the energy to fight with him.
“I bet. People tend to accumulate a lot of shit over a lifetime.”
“Yeah…” I look down at my hands not saying anything for a beat. There’s something I’ve been wishing I could say but haven’t because we’ve been at each other’s throats every time I’ve seen him.
Finally, I just say it. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about your dad. He was a really great guy.”
“He was. Thanks. It’s kind of weird now. You think you’ll get used to life without someone eventually, but I don’t know if I ever will. Things weren’t great between us before he passed. I was going through my own shit, and…” He shakes his head. “I just wish I could go back, I guess.”
My eyes take in his profile. Nik called and told me when Jon died. I wanted to reach out, but I knew he wouldn’t answer.
He sighs. “Anyway, I’m alright. I still have my mom, and lord knows she’s up my ass enough for the both of them.”
Knowing Colette, I’m sure she is.
I nudge him with my elbow. “I’m sorry for being such a bitch before. I’m just having a hard time right now, I guess.”
“It’s okay. You haven’t given me anything I don’t deserve.”
“That’s probably true, but I’m still sorry. And for the record, I do appreciate you getting me out of that bar the other night. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
He lifts a shoulder and matter-of-factly says, “No problem. I’ll always have your back.”
When our eyes meet, my words get stuck behind my teeth. For a moment, I recognize the man sitting beside me. But that’s not right. That man doesn’t exist, and pretending he does will just end with disappointment.
“That’s not true,” I whisper.
He rolls his lips under, holding back whatever he wants to say. A second ticks by, then two before he says, “Ash?—”
I clear my throat and stand. “Anyway, I guess I need to get back in there. I have a lot to do.”
Whatever he’s about to say, I don’t want to hear it. If it’s an apology he wants to give, I don’t want it. And if he’s just going to repeat what he said back then, I don’t need to hear that either.
