I shrug, rolling over onto my side to face her.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, padding over to sit on the edge of the bed.
I debate what to say, feeling ashamed that I put myself in that position in the first place. “I went to the clubhouse with Nik last night.”
Her eyes widen, pinning me with ayou did whatlook.
“I know it was stupid. I learned my lesson.”
She exhales. I’m bracing for her to reprimand me, but instead she says, “Lord knows I did my fair share of dumb shit when I was your age, so I won’t lecture you about doing the things teenagers do, but I’ve lived in this town a long time, and that club has brought nothing but tragedy to the people who get involved in it.”
I sit up and nod, grateful she’s not mad.
“Your grandfather was a member at one time.”
My brows shoot up because I’ve never heard this before. He passed away when I was a baby, so I don’t remember him.
She smiles briefly. “He loved it, and I know firsthand how good some of those men can be.” Her smile fades. “He stepped away when his best friend was killed in a disagreement with another club. We decided our family was more important. It scares the shit out of me that your brother has been sucked into that world.” Exhaling, she shakes her head. “I don’t think I could handle watching you go down that path too.”
“I’m sorry, Gran.”
“I know, sweetheart.” She tucks a curl behind my ear. “Just be smart, okay?”
I nod.
She places a hand on my cheek, the smell of Marlboro still on her fingers. “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you go sit by the lake? You can just as easily mope out there as you can in here, and there’s not a damn thing a little sunshine can’t fix.”
She’s probably right. Getting outside might help. If nothing else, maybe I can get a bit of color this summer.
I head out the back door with a Diet Coke in one hand and a Jane Austen novel in the other. It’s a beautiful day, and I take several deep breaths, enjoying the fresh air as Imosey across the backyard to the water. Kicking off my shoes, my muscles relax when my body makes contact with the ground. The blades of grass between my toes are weirdly soothing. Before opening my book, I lay staring up at the magnolia tree branches swaying in the breeze.
A few chapters in, a familiar rumble filters in behind me before Gabe appears in my periphery.
Well, shit.
“Are you trying to steal my secret hiding spot?” Gabe asks, staring off at the lake.
“It’s not a secret if I know about it, is it?”
“I guess not.” He flops down next to me. “I’ve never seen anyone else back here until today.”
I throw my arm over my eyes to block the sun after putting my book down on my belly.
“Well, it’s basically in my backyard. Don’t worry; you can have it back in a couple weeks. We can share custody of it.”
He laughs, lying back in the grass beside me and rolling his head in my direction.
“You okay?”
I nod.
“Really?”
I think for a minute. Physically, I’m fine, and I guess I should be because nothing happened, but the feeling of being completely out of control has me frozen. I don’t know how to be around other people anymore. Like I’m still wandering around somewhere in the memories I don’t have from that night.
“Actually, I don’t know.”
The corner of his mouth quirks up. “You don’t have to be okay.”
