We don’t make it far before we find ourselves at the table while Nik fills me in on everything I’ve missed, including the stupid shit my brother’s been up to.
Spoiler alert: nothing good.
“God, I don’t know how you deal with him. I know he’s my brother and I love him, but he’s—” I sigh, rolling my eyes. “He’s such an idiot.”
“That he is.” She lifts her glass to her lips. “But deep down, he’s still Shane.” She shakes her head. “Every time I think, this is it I’m done, I get a glimpse of the boy I fell in love with, and I can’t let him go.”
I know what she means, but some days it’s hard to imagine him ever coming back from his cocaine-induced haze.
“You can’t do it for him, you know.”
She shrugs. “I know.” Moving uncomfortably in her seat, she sits up a little straighter. “Anyway, enough about me. How’s Maggie?”
Even as I ramble about my kid and my separation, I can tell her mind’s a million miles away. Two bottles of wine later, I’ve filled her in on every excruciating detail of my life and shown her about a hundred videos of Maggie.
“I have to head out.” Putting her glass in the sink, she spins to face me. “Had you told me, I would’ve made sure to have the night off.”
“I know.” I sigh, waving her off. “It’s okay, though. Shane gets off at six and said he’ll bring my car by. He should be here soon.”
“Okay, but no more sobbing.” She points at me. “It’s not a good look on you.”
“Hey, are you insinuating I have an ugly cry face?”
“Uh, I’m not insinuating shit, you do, and we’ve all seen enough of it. You don’t deserve any more tears, and we don’t deserve to have to look at it.” She winks before trotting to the door.
“You’re such a bitch.” I chuckle.
“Yeah. Well, we all need someone to give us a good kickin the ass sometimes.” She blows me a kiss before stepping out the door and closing it behind her.
I was fifteen when I met Nik. That summer was the first I’d heard of my brother’s drug problem—and the year I laid eyes on Gabe Abbott.
5
ASH
MAY 9 YEARS AGO
Visiting Ravens Ridge is my favorite thing about summer. For two whole months, I get to hang out with my brother. We’re really close, so it’s been hard since he moved out of Mom’s.
Mom waited around for a while when she dropped me off this afternoon, but Shane never showed up. She blamed his absence on Gran letting him hang out at the Riders’ club. My dad was in the club when we were younger, and he’d drag us along sometimes. But I never really understood what they did there.
For the record, it’s not Gran’s fault. Wherever Shane goes, trouble follows.
He will show up, though. He wouldn’t ditch me like this. We always spend our summers together. Once, he took me to the movie theater when they opened, and we stayed all day watching one after another. He’s my best friend.
I’m in my room unpacking when the front door opens.
“She waited around all day! Where have you been?” Gran yells, which is weird because she never yells. “Look at me when I’m talking to you!”
I scramble from my room to stand in the doorway but still out of sight.
“Out,” Shane mumbles.
“Are you high?” I can’t see them, but I imagine she’s grabbing his face, squeezing his cheeks together to look into his eyes like she does to decide if we’re telling the truth.
“No,” he mumbles.
“Wereyou high?”
