My hand flies to my mouth. “Oh my god.”
“Ash, he loves you.”
I sit with my mouth open, trying to process what the fuck is happening. Why didn’t he say something? He let me walk away, knowing he’d given up everything for me. God, he’s such a fucking asshole. I would have?—
Would I have? Quitting the club doesn’t fix everything, does it?
Finally, I say, “What if thingsdon’t work out again? It’s more than just me that would get hurt this time. I can’t do that to her.”
“And what if things do work out?”
I scoff. “Well, if history has taught us anything, it’s that it won’t.”
His brows furrow. “No, if history has taught you anything, it should be that you will always find your way back to each other.”
I turn in my seat to face him.
“Look, I can’t tell you what to do, but I know Gabe. He’s learned his lesson. I think you’re doing both of you a disservice if you don’t at least try.”
45
GABE
OCTOBER PRESENT DAY
I’d tear off my own damn arm to start over with Ash. When I brought her back to my apartment, I planned to tell her I was leaving the Riders. Then I got wrapped up in the moment. How could I not? She was looking at me like she did before I fucked everything up. I figured I’d tell her the next morning. When I woke up and she was gone, the world came crashing down around me. The whole time I thought we were starting a new chapter, she was closing the book.
After what happened with her dad, I needed to get out of there. I would have killed him, but that feels like it should be up to Shane. He made his choice tonight.
I’m standing in the kitchen when someone knocks. Padding over to the door, I grumble under my breath. I’m not in the fucking mood to deal with anyone.
Swinging open the door, all the air leaves my lungs.
Ash offers me a tight smile. With her hands clasped in front of her, she asks, “Can I come in?”
This would be a great time to say no. To say,I just needsome space. Please give me a fucking break because I can’t be near you without my chest caving in and my head spinning.
But I love her. So instead, I move to the side and say, “Uh. Sure.”
“Listen, Gabriel?—”
Yeah, I can’t fucking do this again.I need her out of here before I explode.
“Ash—” Pressing my fingers in my eyes, I say, “If you didn’t come here to tell me you’ve changed your mind, please let me be. I can’t do this tonight.”
We’ve done enough of this.
I take a step back. The last few months have settled into my bones, and I’m tired. Tired of fighting back how I feel, tired of thinking we might get to the other side only to be disappointed, and tired of pretending I don’t love her with every fiber of my being.I don’t know who I am without my club, but more than that, I don’t know who I am without her.
“I…” She takes a deep breath. “I think I might have been wrong.”
I’m not sure where she’s going with this, so I just stare at her. Hoping to hear words from her mouth is not the same as actually hearing them, and hoping left me waking up alone last time.
“I’m afraid of what it’ll look like if this doesn’t work. I’m afraid of what Maggie’s life will look like if we explode again.”
There it is. The same fucking shit—around we go. I put my hands of my hips and sigh. “Yeah, you’ve said that.”
“No, I know. I just—” She stares at her feet. “I realized tonight that I might also be afraid of what my life looks like without you.”
