There’s no way I can tell her. I don’t want to tell anyone. I want to go to bed, and maybe I’ll wake up, and all of this will be a terrible dream.
Pulling out my phone, I send him a text.
I need to talk to you. Call me
Itry to call Gabriel every day, but he never picks up.
Every night, I lie in bed and imagine him answering. He’d say he made a mistake and wants us to come home. Then I imagine what our lives would be like because I don’t think he’d abandon me if he knew.
But I guess he already has, hasn’t he?
“Jesus, are you ever gonna move on with your life?” Jess moans as she walks into my room before flopping down beside me.It’s been a couple of weeks since I found out I’m pregnant, and I still haven’t told anyone. Well—except my therapist. I guess she’s come in handy after all because now she’s the only person I can talk to.
We lay side by side, facing each other. I sniffle and take a deep breath, closing my eyes tightly.
“Come on, Ash. You can talk to me. I’m your sister. I’m always on your side.”
“I’m pregnant,” I whisper.
“What?” She sucks in a sharp breath, sitting straight up off the bed. “Are you serious?”
I nod, crying harder.
“Holy shit. Does your mom know?”
“No. No one does.”
“What about Gabriel? You told him, right?”
I shake my head.
“Ash, you have to tell him. You shouldn’t have to do this alone.”
“I’ve called a bunch of times, but he won’t answer.”
“Shit. I’m so sorry.” She lies back down and throws herarms around me. “He’s such an asshole. You’re probably better off without him anyway.”
“I don’t wanna do it alone.”
She squeezes me tighter. “You won’t. You have me. We’ll do it together.”
Choking on my tears, I say, “I have an ultrasound today.”
“Do you want me to go with you?”
I nod.
Jess never leaves my side. She sits on my bed while I get ready for the appointment. She drives us there and holds my hand while I lay on the table. Then, something changes. I guess it hadn’t completely sunk in yet, but everything shifts when the tech turns the sound on and I hear that tiny heartbeat. All the events from the last few months flash through my head, and I’m hit with overwhelming clarity.
That’s a real baby. My baby. I’ve always assumed I’d be a mom one day. Never this young, but one day. And the last few months of my life have been nothing but loss and heartache. I’m alone. My future’s been ripped from my hands, and for some reason, this feels like a flashing beacon.
I’m afraid, but this baby’s my new future.
Jess squeezes my hand, and when I roll my head toward her, she’s smiling.
I’ve been so stuck on contacting Gabriel that I haven’t stopped to consider what would happen if he did answer.
Protecting this baby is the only thing that matters.
